Why we've not been visited by aliens

[Mitya]

One well-known theory as to why the human race has not been visited - at least knowingly - by advanced civilisations from other plants is that, as a a race, we are not yet worth visiting. We have not yet evolved, the theory goes, to sufficient intelligence for it to be worth their while.

A trip to Meadow Lane makes this view hard to contend with. Any alien for whom the first glance at the human race was down at Meadow Lane would draw the following conclusions about earth:

 

- that the laws of physics regarding light are different here: fans 50-100 meters away from an incident are exempt from the law that results in physical objects appearing smaller the further away they are; given this, they know instantly the truth about an incident on the pitch, whereas the referee, the expert in this sort of thing, and who is standing perhaps just five meters away, IS and ALWAYS IS wrong.

 

- that there is some odd physical law which says that if a player of a certain shirt colour appears to be hurt, he is definitely faking it. However, if a person of the other shirt colour appears to be hurt, he is definitely not faking it. Again, the fans who instantly and vociferously adjudicate on such incidents, are always correct.

 

- continuing this point, that it is reprehensible and evil to feign injury in the case of the opposition, yet curiously acceptable in the case of the home team when you are clinging on to a 1-0 lead in the 85th minute away from home. Our alien, assuming the human race to be capable of fairness and objectivity, might wonder why, when our team do it, we don't equally shout at them for it.

 

- that predictions about the earth's eventual demise - destroyed by its own inhabitents - are pretty much on the money, if perceived intelligence of its dominant species is anything to go on. One example might be fathers and grandfathers sitting next to sons and grandsons, happily giving "wanker" hand gestures to visiting players and fans, calling the referee expletives. Our alien might be surprised that this is the example we set to our younger members.

 

- that "we always get **** refs." After some cursory research as to what this phrase means, our alien might think that this assertion contravenes the laws of logic. If the referee is different every week, and yet the crowd make this comlaint every week, the only constant is the crowd - and their subjective, irrational conclusions - rather than the referee. If our alien is away of the concept of irony, he might consider this ironic.

 

And so on and so on. The fact is, we played attrociously today. We insist on lofting the ball even though it almost always results in giving away possession. Meanwhile, our opponents play and pass their way out of their zone, with balls to the feet. We barely gave their keeper anything to think about, and we were undisciplined.

 

We got what we deserved. We couldn't string passes together; loose balls were meekly given back to Yeovil or hit out of play. It was like watching a Sunday league team at times.

 

Shaun Derry said recently he thought we were overachieving. And a good thing to, because we definitely are; on the form of three of our last four games, we are in a very inflated league position.

[Fan of Big Tone]

Interesting first post @Mitya I think the alien would surely realise that the apparent inconsistencies of the fans is because they are fans and by the very nature they are biased as any true fan should be. That's what being a fan is all about and if we can sway a refs decision by baying for a player to be sent off when he has made a perfectly good sliding tackle then that's what we will do because we want our team to win.

Incidentally you won't find this grandad swearing or making any rude gestures at the ref whether my grandson is there or not, I reserve the right to boo the ref though.

[Cobby]

That the laws of physics regarding light are different here: fans 50-100 meters away from an incident are exempt from the law that results in physical objects appearing smaller the further away they are; given this, they know instantly the truth about an incident on the pitch, whereas the referee, the expert in this sort of thing, and who is standing perhaps just five meters away, IS and ALWAYS IS wrong.

 

 

Thankfully in this modern age we have videos

 

https://vine.co/v/OJLnp3EIwbJ

[Mitya]

Re: the video, I wasn't saying that, in the case, the ref was definitely NOT wrong - indeed, from the video, it seems he probably was. I was just making the point that the fans 80 meters away could not possibly make such a cool and reserved judgement as the ref is expected to.

 

If the ref can get it wrong from 5 meters away, that leaves a lot of margin for error for fans 80 meters away

 

@Tonyhately, fair point, but it's a shame if the game has come to this, that we have to try to influence the ref in his decision-making. It's also hypocritical of us to do this if we then berate the opposition for similarly employing questionable strategies - feigning injury, time-wasting etc.

[Northants Pie]

 

 

@Tonyhately, fair point, but it's a shame if the game has come to this, that we have to try to influence the ref in his decision-making. 

 

If the Ref was doing his / her job properly you wouldn't notice he / she was there

[Cobby]

@Tonyhately, fair point, but it's a shame if the game has come to this, that we have to try to influence the ref in his decision-making. It's also hypocritical of us to do this if we then berate the opposition for similarly employing questionable strategies - feigning injury, time-wasting etc.

 

Has it really changed? While I don't have as many years down the lane as some people I can't remember this not happening. There must be some reason that teams supposedly have a home advantage?

 

While I don't like it when players do it I think fans doing it is part of the experience.  For 90 minutes every couple of weeks I get forget about work shout at a referee, it's all harmless venting anyway!

[Fan of Big Tone]

@Tonyhately, fair point, but it's a shame if the game has come to this, that we have to try to influence the ref in his decision-making. It's also hypocritical of us to do this if we then berate the opposition for similarly employing questionable strategies - feigning injury, time-wasting etc.

But as I said it's all about being a fan, of course we are hypocritical we love our team and we want them to win.

A true fan doesn't look at the game objectively as a neutral would.

[super_ram]

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.

Abraham Lincoln

Say no more!

[Chris]

A true fan doesn't look at the game objectively as a neutral would.

Not exactly true, I think so fans are very neutral.

Football's got many mixtures of fans, most are very biased but that is the nature of the game. Some will call things spot on, there's no such thing as a "true" fan. Just different types of fans and someone once said "supporter" because the two are not the same!

[Super_Danny_Allsopp]

I have my own theory:

They looked down on Earth, saw a load of chavs robbing an old lady in Bulwell, saw a load of bearded men chopping eachothers heads off in Syria, saw a whole world of nations built upon greed and worshiping fake Gods...

And went....

**** that!

[liampie]

what a bizarre post.