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Depression


Chris
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It's not an easy illness to cope or deal with, however if any PON members are reading this and struggle with the condition themselves - please do try to speak to someone about it. Myself and most team members would be only happy to chat to you, I know @Magic magpie will stand with me on this and it might just make a small difference to have someone who can listen at the other end (without judging you).

Sometimes it's easier to take a step back, then reflect on your thoughts and at times as I know too well you need someone to support you.

I just wanted to make it known that we are approachable, I am and I know how the stigma can effect you.

You're never alone, even when those that say this don't mean it - there are genuine people that do. Place your trust in them and hopefully a difference can be reached.

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Totally agree with this, I'm also here if anyone wants to chat. My son took his own life, he couldn't open up, I wish he had, I wish when he was at his lowest someone would have said "Are you OK", do you want to talk". Talking about things is better than bottling it up, even if you don't get answers it will be a release to get things off your chest.

 

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5 minutes ago, Fan of Big Tone said:

I wish when he was at his lowest someone would have said "Are you OK", do you want to talk".

Speaking from experience, I never admit to how I truly feel and people repeatedly asking if I'm okay - when the obvious signs are that I am not simply make me feel worse.

It actually irritates me a lot.

Would people ask an alcoholic if they want a drink of beer for example?

I realise some can hide it, I do this very well but people who truly know me see the difference. Withdrawal is a big thing, not talking is either - I feel people need to understand and spot the signs.

The best thing to do is to try and speak about something which both parties have a common interest, then allow for time - eventually people will open up as I do. I feel it's important to stress people should be trustworthy and non judgemental, feelings are what often pushes someone to the edge and sometimes those that pretend to be there for people are actually very malicious. This makes it harder for someone who's depressed to open up or even trust another person.

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i will always offer support to people, there should not be any negative stigma to having a difficult life. nobody knows what goes on in another persons head. hopefully other members will agree because i think this is brave of @Chris to come out and offer knowing full well whats hes going through himself. 

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58 minutes ago, Chris said:

Speaking from experience, I never admit to how I truly feel and people repeatedly asking if I'm okay - when the obvious signs are that I am not simply make me feel worse.

It actually irritates me a lot.

Would people ask an alcoholic if they want a drink of beer for example?

I realise some can hide it, I do this very well but people who truly know me see the difference. Withdrawal is a big thing, not talking is either - I feel people need to understand and spot the signs.

The best thing to do is to try and speak about something which both parties have a common interest, then allow for time - eventually people will open up as I do. I feel it's important to stress people should be trustworthy and non judgemental, feelings are what often pushes someone to the edge and sometimes those that pretend to be there for people are actually very malicious. This makes it harder for someone who's depressed to open up or even trust another person.

Sorry I don't think asking an alcoholic if he wants a beer is the same thing at all. If someone is feeling depressed and you ask them if they are ok it's showing that they care and it may enable them to open up and talk about what is troubling them, you can also ask if there is anything you can do to help, tell them you care and you are there for them.

Of course everyone is different and people react in different ways and can lash out at people trying to help, none of us are experts but just showing you care in whatever way you can may make a huge difference.

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2 minutes ago, Fan of Big Tone said:

Sorry I don't think asking an alcoholic if he wants a beer is the same thing at all. If someone is feeling depressed and you ask them if they are ok it's showing that they care and it may enable them to open up and talk about what is troubling them, you can also ask if there is anything you can do to help, tell them you care and you are there for them.

Of course everyone is different and people react in different ways and can lash out at people trying to help, none of us are experts but just showing you care in whatever way you can may make a huge difference.

There's better ways to show that people care, it's a very generic question.

People who suffer from depression don't often ask for anything, especially not help. I am a prolific person on many platforms such as Reddit, Twitter and I consider reaching out to be very important. I know what you mean but what I try to do is educate people on what they could do - instead of the obvious. It's very unlikely someone would turn around and say 'I'm not okay, this is happening etc'.

Especially after a conversation has been started with 'are you okay?'.

You might not think it's the same thing but a lot of people would who suffer would. 

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2 minutes ago, Chris said:

There's better ways to show that people care, it's a very generic question.

People who suffer from depression don't often ask for anything, especially not help. I am a prolific person on many platforms such as Reddit, Twitter and I consider reaching out to be very important. I know what you mean but what I try to do is educate people on what they could do - instead of the obvious. It's very unlikely someone would turn around and say 'I'm not okay, this is happening etc'.

Especially after a conversation has been started with 'are you okay?'.

You might not think it's the same thing but a lot of people would who suffer would. 

But surely if you are starting a conversation with someone who you think might be depress and saying "are you ok, you seem down, can I help?" it shows you care and want to help, as I say everyone is different and I'm not expert and I don't (thankfully) suffer from depression but if asking those questions don't help then what would help?

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14 minutes ago, Fan of Big Tone said:

But surely if you are starting a conversation with someone who you think might be depress and saying "are you ok, you seem down, can I help?" it shows you care and want to help, as I say everyone is different and I'm not expert and I don't (thankfully) suffer from depression but if asking those questions don't help then what would help?

It's not what people often want to hear.

I have sent DM's in the past reaching out and I have more success by finding a middle ground, by having 'lifted' the mood - I can focus on the issue by having shown I care because I had a conversation. I think with depression people will naturally be on the guard, a random 'are you okay?' will have them in my opinion asking 'why now'.

I'm trying to get across to you @Fan of Big Tone what would help.

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It's very interesting to hear it from your perspective @Chris thanks for taking the time to explain, I guess what works for you might not work for others though. It's all about individuals.

It's a subject I'm interested in and maybe we could talk about this sometime over a pint? You're paying. :joker:

As a matter of interest, how would you deal with this situation. You see someone standing on a platform and they look as if they are about to jump in front of the next train. I would go up to them and say "Are you OK mate, can I help" in the hope that would break their thoughts and they might open up to me.

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52 minutes ago, Fan of Big Tone said:

I would go up to them and say "Are you OK mate, can I help" in the hope that would break their thoughts and they might open up to me.

A police officer with training wouldn't do this, they would try to talk them out of it and use diversion tactics to ease their mind.

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i have not spoke about this to anyone other than @Chris and @Magic magpie but @super_ram and @GrannyPie also helped make me feel better.

i was involved in a very bad accident at work not that long ago, i broke several of my ribs and i had breathing issues. the thought of returning to work made me feel very anxious and i suffer from this a lot before. my line manager was a bully, very nasty and would pick at the younger workers imo to look like he was working himself. my accident was caused by him not following the guidelines, rushing staff and making us all rush beyond a reasonable limit.

work suspended me without pay and @Magic magpie supported me a lot, he spoke about seeing a union rep and without that help i would have lost my job.

returning to work i hated it, i did not want to be anywhere near the place and i love working normally.

thanks to the support shown to by all four members i feel i have returned to myself but i do still get down and i tend to freak when i feel any sort of accident could happen.

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Anyone can message me about anything and I will do my best to help, I try to avoid issues by being diplomatic and thoughtful so I do feel I could help with someone who does want to chat.

I don't suffer from depression but god forbid if it did happen, people would support me.

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I am here if anyone wants support with it too. I can't say i've got it but i have helped people with it even if its just someone to talk to at a time they feel like talking. 

I have however got my own issues relating to simular to some things that are part of some peoples symptoms as everyones different.

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