Should Notts fans be micro-chipped?

[Tarkers]

Following the decision by the Argentinian side, Tigres, to offer micro-chipping of fans instead of season tickets......I think it would be a great idea to offer this facility to Notts fans.

There are literally stacks of benefits, of which I will put forward just a sample.

No more losing your season ticket (or "loaning" your OAPs card to your 17 year-old nephew, Bert, and not getting it back)....just a simple chip placed under the skin.

Obviously if you lose your arm whilst trying to steal that "left-over" suitcase in Brussels Airport....it's your fault!

No more wandering around aimlessly on Match Days in Forest Fields, pretending to ask 19 year-old girls for "directions".....the Club are alerted to your absence and a Black Van sent to collect you and bring you to the ground.

This facility could be extended to non-Match Days where families could track the whereabouts of Uncle Cedric, who, smelling strongly of pee, was last seen "escorting a young man home" from the Plumtree Arms on Sunday night!

When you apply for your chip, you complete a questionnaire, giving various details that the Club can use to improve your Matchday Experience.

Using that info...my day would proceed like this:

Scan your arm at the turnstile....first attempt reveals that I am a tin of Aldi beans, circa 1963 and priced at 7 pence in proper money.....a young girl races over and politely shaves my inner arm, wipes away the perspiration and dabs the skin with Old Spice.

On the second attempt I am correctly identified as Lord Tarquin of Netherfield, a bottle of chilled Chablis is brought over to the VIP area and a spotty youth scuttles away to polish my chair (a preference I put on my application form, following a visit to Camden Yards in Baltimore)

My chip has automatically triggered these events, behind the scenes a Chef is lightly poaching my quails eggs and the fridges are being checked to ensure my 8 pints of bottled Old Thumper are cool enough.

I am given a copy of the team-sheet, and notice my suggestion of playing 2-2-6 has been taken on-board, and my Ladbrokes receipt for a Scorecast of 9-5 is attached.

The whole day is literally perfect and I smile contentedly as I enter the taxi awaiting me outside the Lawton Bar.

"Netherfield please" I say......................................."but make a brief detour to Forest Fields!!"