Jokers Wild: Joke Of The Day.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

How about the wife and husband team of retired acrobats they've invented two new condiments Winter Pepper and Summer Salt.

I see Marie Osmond is about to star in the worse film ever. Warner Brothers? They already know.

My wife as an uncle with one leg called Eric, I don't know what he called his other leg.

Did you read about the fella who confessed to murder on his Death Bed then got better?

Then there was that bloke who bought some After Eight Mints, but died at half past seven.

 

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

This is a good one. Listen till the end.

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

What is the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison? You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo.

I went into a Bakery and asked. Is that a Cake or a Meringue? The Assistant said No your not wrong it is a Cake.

I had a dream the other night, I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper. Dicing with Death

Edited March 16 by Wheelbarrow repair man
Word blocked so ruined joke.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

My Mate and his wife were waiting to fly off on their holidays when they were approached by a Stewardess. Are you flying out to Benidorm today? Yes we are replied my Mate. Well I'm afraid there's a four hour delay. Oh why? The Pilot heard a noise in one of the engines and It will take us four hours to find a Pilot who can't hear it.

My uncle Danny had five sons, a single birth and two sets of twins, and they all grew up to be Police Marks men. That's because uncle Danny was a bank robber. Uncle Danny died recently, surrounded by his family.

I lost my hair when I was sixteen. What a game cards that was.

My mate Dave went to the barbers and asked for some highlights the barber gave him a video of Old Haircuts.

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

Then there was the chap who invented Cats eyes, for the middle of the road. He said he got the idea when his Car headlight reflected in the eyes of a Cat as it walked towards him. If the Cat had been walking away from him, he'd have invented the Pencil Sharpener.

I bought this new roll on deodorant I looked at the instructions. It said remove top and push up bottom. I only wanted it for under my arms.

My mate Dave is a massive fan of Steam Trains and when the Orient Express came to Nottingham but he said it was Murder getting tickets. Anyway once he'd finished taking photo's of the Engine and carriages, he was about to leave the station when he heard piano music. So he went to investigate and there on a platform a chap was playing a piano. Once the guy had finished Dave said he had a tinkle on it and saved himself 20 pence.

This chap went to an Acupuncturist  looking for a cure. What's your problem ? He was asked. He replied Pins and Needles in my shoulder.

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

I remember when I was first old enough to drink, i was in a Pub with my mate Big Rog, when suddenly this bloke bursts in carrying a Sawn off Shot Gun. I'm going to shoot the bloke who's had sex with my wife. A voice from the back said I don't think you've got enough bullets Steve.

A chap go's home and says to his wife I was talking to the Postman today and he reckons he's made Love to every woman one this Street bar one. I bet it's that miserable cow next door but one replies his wife.

I once asked an Old Girlfriend if she smoked after sex. She answered I dunno I've never looked.

I'm a bit worried about my mate Trev. He's 56 and I think he's having a mid life crisis he's dyed his hair he's down the gym three or four times a week and he goes jogging. I think he's trying to recapture his youth. Anyway the other Thursday he was in the Butcher's collecting his weekly portion of Red Meat and he says to the girl behind the counter, how old do you think I am . Mid forties said the girl. I'm 56 I look after myself. Trev's standing at the bus stop when a little old lady approaches him. I don't know who you are but I must tell somebody I'm 75 today and when I get back to the sheltered housing where I live they're having a party for me. Very nice says Trev, Happy Birthday. I bet you can't tell how old I am. Well says the old girl if you let me put my hand down your jogging bottoms I tell you to the exact year. Trev agrees and she's fiddling down there for a good five minutes, takes her hand out and says Your 56. That's amazing said Trev how did you know? Oh I was stood behind you in the butchers.

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]