Jokers Wild: Joke Of The Day.

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

POLICE REPORT The man who steals T shirts in size order is still at Large.

Me and a couple of Mates were sat having a quite drink when this chap walks in with a Cocker Spaniel on a lead. I'm sorry sir said the Bar Man No Dogs Allowed. But it's my Guide Dog replies the chap. I don't think so sir, Guide Dogs are usually Labradors  or Golden Retrievers. Aw what the hell have the given me then?

Right then What's a Shih Tzu? A Zoo without any Animals

The wife's Grandad is a105 and we all call him Spider Man, not that he goes around web slinging or fighting Crime, it's just he can't get out of the Bath.

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

There was this Nun and a Monk going round the local Pubs collecting for charity. Anyway in one Pub there was a  Darts match being played and the Monk became really interested in watching the games and at the end of the match he asked one of the players if he could have a go. Sure says the player handing his Darts to the Monk. First Dart treble twenty, Second Dart single twenty, the third Dart hits the wire on the Dart board it bounces over the Monks head and hits the Nun in the throat and kills her. The Scorer shouts out One Nun Dead and Eighty.

Two Nuns in a camper van travelling across Transylvania when suddenly Dracula jumps onto the front bumper and try's to open the door, Quick Sister shouts the Nun driving Show him your Cross. Hey you lousy blood sucking Git get off our Camper Van.

Two Nuns in a bath one says where's the soap? The other replies Yes it does, doesn't it.

Chap just about to go into his local when suddenly out of no where appears a Nun, she points at the Man and says Before you go into this dell of Evil, think of what the Alcohol will do to your brain. Hold on says the Bloke have you ever had a drink? Certainly Not answers the Nun. Then how do you know what the Alcohol will do to the brain, if you've never had a drink. I'll tell you what I'll buy you a drink and if you don't like it, then you can go preaching on about it. Alright agreed the Nun. Right I'll buy you a glass of gin says the Chap. No don't bring it out in a glass, bring it out in a teacup then nobody will know I'm drinking alcohol. So the bloke goes to the bar and orders a pint for himself and a shot of gin, but could he have the gin in a teacup. The bar man looks at him and says Is that bloody Nun out side  there again?

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

I bought the wife a see through nighty I said go into the bedroom and shout me when you're ready. I'm ready she shouts a minute or so later I flew up the stairs she was laying on the bed wearing the nighty and I could see everything, her navy blue jumper and jogging bottoms.

The wife's been on a diet this past month and the only thing she's lost is her temper.

I've tried Cage Fighting, I'll tell you what some of them Budgies can be right nasty little beggars.

Two starving cowboys were riding across death valley, when suddenly one shouts out Hey look a Bacon Tree  and he gallops off. No his friend shouts come back it's not a Bacon Tree. An hour later the first cowboy comes back, shot full of arrows. You were right it wasn't a Bacon Tree it was an Ambush.

Edited March 18 by Wheelbarrow repair man
added dialogue

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

Doesn't your Mum say daft things to you when you're young things like If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs. Don't come running to me.

Your Dad's no better. We were watching a David Attenborough wildlife programme and these two Lions were, well lets just say more than just good friends. What they doing Dad? I asked. Dancing he replied. Dancing the next School Disco I was expelled.

I once went out with a Witch we were driving along a dark country lane and she put her on my thigh and I turned into a Layby.

Me and the wife went and stayed in a nice boarding house, as we signed in  I noticed a sign on the wall. I whispered to the wife that's a bit threatening be in bed before I am. Put your glasses on it says be in bed before One AM.

[Robbie]