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I can't do dwarf impressions, but Hey Oh.

Dipping Ginger nuts used to be great fun. But nowadays it's considered bullying.

I was playing football on an airplane and there I was, Running up the wing.

I got a letter through the post, Book yourself an Eye Test, in the end I booked two, might as well get the both done at the same time.

I bought my Mother-in-Law a brand new chair for her birthday, but can't get her to plug it in.

This chap and his mate were in a bar the chap says the Doctor told me I have to take a tablet every day for the rest of my life. His mate well that's not bad. The chap replies he's only given me four.

I bought a Brand New pair of tortoise skin shoes. It took me over an hour to get out of the shop.

The Post Office have spent £180 million on a machine that can sort  25,000 letters per minute. Then they give them to a bloke on a bike.

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They say an Elephant never forgets. But have you ever had a Birthday Card from one?

What's the difference between an Elephant's backside and a Post Box? Dunno. No point in sending you with a letter then.

How do you stop a herd of changing Elephants ? Make a Trunk call an reverse the charge.

Me and my mate Dave were sitting on a Park Bench, when suddenly Dave pulls a can from his inside pocket and starts spraying the air around us. What's that? I asked Elephant repellent  he  replies. Don't be daft there's No Elephants around here. Shows that it works then.

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Pride of Nottingham

Pride of Nottingham is an independent fansite devoted to Notts County, the world’s oldest professional football club. Created in 2013, it has served as a source of Magpie news, features, match previews, reports, analysis and interviews for more than three years.

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