Jokers Wild: Joke Of The Day.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Piethagoram 𝕏 @piethagoram]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

Just failed my abseiling exam.

I let myself down badly there.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Piethagoram 𝕏 @piethagoram]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

So I said to my mate Dave, I'm going to open a theatre. Are you having me on he asked. I said well I give you an audition, but I can't promise you anything.

There was a fourteen foot Anaconda hanging out of my letter box this morning. I reckon there was a mix up at Amazon.

I love Fun fair food, candy floss toffee apples and those boil in the bag Gold Fish.

I went into a Jewellers and said I'd like to buy a watch please, the Assistant said Analogue? No just the watch.

I had a dream the other night, I was was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper. Dicing with Death.

W.W.W. Conjunctivitis. com. There's a site for sore eyes.

You know when your half way through eating a horse, do you ever think, Maybe I wasn't as hungry as I first thought I was.

I'm here all week. With Apologies to anyone who as already told  any of the above jokes.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

My wife used to be a secretary, I opened my wallet now she's a treasurer. My wife is very good with money, we do with a lot of things I don't need. But the other week she bought me a really nice second hand jacket,, not second hand but seconds you the type of thing, there's something slightly wrong with it. The only thing I could find wrong with the jacket was one of the sleeves, was slightly longer than the other two.

Have you ever noticed the different way a Man and a Woman look at marriage? To a woman it's the Happiest Day of her life she arranges everything, she gets her Bridesmaids ugly Dresses while she looks amazing in her Wedding Dress and she has her ring. While a Bloke, well more his friends treat it like he's been Diagnosed with something. Did you hear about Charles? No what's up? He's getting married. NO I only saw he a couple of weeks ago, when did he find out? She told him the other evening over dinner. Is there anything we can do? No Nothing the invitations have already gone out.

I'll get my coat.

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

My Mum and her neighbour were standing at a Bus Stop, when a well endowed naked young man ran past. My Mum had a Stroke!! But her neighbour just couldn't quite reach!!

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, when he said to me, You're an Artist aren't you? Yeah. Will you paint my girlfriend? Yeah sure send her round to my  studio Wednesday afternoon. Wednesday afternoon arrives, there's a knock at the studio door, I opened  it and there stood Shelly, a beautiful young Lady with long blond hair sparkling blue eyes and the figure of a Goddess. I invited her in made her a cup of Coffee and chattered about what paint I'd use acrylics for those interested. After she'd drank her coffee Shelly looked me straight in the eye and asked. Are you going to paint me in the Nude. Wow I thought then I said No, I'm going to leave my socks on, because I need somewhere to keep me brushes.

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

The other evening I'm making my way home, at the top of our road the was a crowd of people standing round this figure lying on the ground. Apparently a Deliver Roo rider had been knocked off his back. Suddenly this chap starts pushing his way through the crowd, Excuse Me Excuse Me he says, move back please. Are you a Doctor ? Asked a woman in the crowd. No the bloke replied That's my Pizza.

I was chatting up this Lady sprinter and people said I was trying to pull a Fast One.

I went to the Binocular Shop. I'll tell you what, they saw me coming.

Me and the wife had a Candle Light Supper the other night. Thanks to Eon cutting us off.

I hope I make people laugh and use their chuckle muscle, because  if you don't use it , it'll dry up and drop off. What is a Laugh? A Laugh is a noise that that comes out of a hole in your face. Anywhere else and you're in Dead Trouble.

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

I once went to a Fortune teller and said I wanted my palm read. She hit with a spanner.

My mates Grandson as just turned four, but he can't say please in Spanish. That's Poor for four.

WARNING The owners of the local Swimming Bath have put chemicals in the water, so if a bloke has a wee the water goes dark blue and if a woman has a wee the water goes pink. I was watching this bloke and his wife swimming in the pool. It was like watching the Red Arrows.

I did a shift in my mate Health Shop the other day, this bloke comes in and says Evening Primrose Oil, I said Oi it's Wheelbarrow repairman too you. I carried on stacking the lower shelves, Soya  Chunk he says, Well you shouldn't have been looking I replied. I'm a Vegan he says do you know what a Vegan is? Of course I know what a Vegan is, Mr Spock was me favourite character in Star Trek, must think I'm stupid or something.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]