Last year our local village fete was cancelled because of an outbreak of Tom Bola.

Lizard Lizard Lizard, is there a Gekko in here?

Then there was the Dog Breeder who crossed a Rottweiler with a Saint Bernard. Really what type of Dog did he get? One that Ravages you then goes and gets you a Brandy.

Sitting on the bus the other day, I looked at the bloke sitting next to me. He was my double I was beside myself.

It seems it's Rude to ask a Lady her age, so say How much do you Weigh?

My mate was telling me that in his younger days he used to live a Korean Girl. She was an amazing Cook and could make a pie from Scratch. Thing is I Loved that Dog. 

 

So Me and a couple of Mates were watching one of those Murder Mystery programmes on the tele. Just before the end I said Come on then who do you think did it?  I reckon it was was Basil. Why do you say that? Well when they found the body in the herb garden, the victim had a Basil Leaf in his hand. Yeah I agree I think it was Basil to  My other Mate said Well it was a good job he wasn't Murdered by his Uncle Dick, God alone would know what they'd have found in his hand then.

My Mates Grandson as just celebrated his fourth Birthday but he can't say Please in Spanish. That's Poor For Four.

I went for an audition at our Local Amateur Dramatics group they're doing a Play about a Japanese Prisoner of War Camp. So there was me and seven skinny blokes. Anyway the Director comes over to me and says Who are you supposed to be? A Japanese Prisoner of War. But you must be 17 stone said the Director Ah yes I replied But they only caught me yesterday.

I did get a part in that Famous Play The Bare Foot Contessa. I played the part of a Bunion.

 

 

 

 

 

I was at the Doctors having a check up and he asked what colour are your Stools? He looked a bit confused when I said they're light brown with a Tartan top.

I got home the other day and found I'd locked myself out. Looking through the window I saw the Cat Let me I said. The Cat looked at me and said Me Ow?

We've got a New Puppy which the kids sat on a Piece of Sandpaper they then asked How do you feel Puppy, the answer was Ruff.

Then there was the Astronaut who declared he was going to land on the Sun. When asked how he was going to achieve this, he replied he was going  to Travel at Night.