A Mate of mine is an impressionist and a rather Good One, he does a very funny skit about Star Trek. I'd not seen him in awhile but bumped into him the other day.

Hello Phil not seen you in awhile where have you been? I asked.

I took my act all around Europe, in fact I'm just back from Northern France.

Oh Dunkirk?

Yes he replied And Spock, Scottie and Doctor McCoy.

I went to one of those Aromatherapists , this chap came in to the room Farted and said that'll be £25.

What's got three wheels and goes along a River Bed at 100mph? A Motor Pike and side Carp.

There were two Old Guys in an Old Folks home leaning on their Zimmer Frames chatting about the Old Days. One chap says Do you realise if we'd Smoked more Cigarettes, Drunk more Booze Taken more Drugs and had more Women. We'd have Missed all this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Loan Ranger comes across his friend Tonto laying down with his ear pressed to the ground.

What are you up to Tonto Old Friend? asks  the Lone Ranger.

Stage coach come this way  Six horses two black three chestnut and one Grey. Driver had beard and pimple on his left cheek. Stage Guard holds rifle in his left hand he's clean shaven and as broken nose. Inside coach six passengers four men two women.

That's amazing Tonto and you can tell this just by having your ear to the ground?

Oh No Kimosabie the bloody Coach ran over my Head.

 

 

Me Tonto very sorry to hear about your Bad Case Of Dermatitis Kimo Scabby.

Tonto walks into a Saloon looking for the Loan Ranger. Under each arm he's got a hissing spitting Nasty Cat. The Lone Ranger looks at him and says No Tonto, I said round up a Posse.

I would now like to sing a song made famous by the singer Box Car Willie that is his name not a Disease. Oh Give Me a home were Buffalo's roam and I'll show you house Full Of Cow S***