While out Paint balling, I started to move from my position, my mate called out Duvet Duvet

What? I asked.

I think he means Duck Down said my other Mate.

The wife and me were watching that Dutch Detective series on Tele the other night.

Van Der Valk? asked my Mate

Nah. Clever Clogs.

So I went into the local D.I.Y Shop and bought a big hinge. I took it to the  checkout and the women asked

Do you want a Screw for that?

Lady I said I'm a Married Man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I remember the time my Dad had a large throbbing boil on the end of his nose. Poor guy couldn't sleep because of the pain. Mum couldn't sleep because she was laughing.  Anyway in the end Mum called the Doctor in. The Doctor arrived and took one look at Dad and from his Doctor's bag, produced a needle, a Great Big Steel Needle. He ushered all the family out of the Bedroom and we all stood on the landing Listening.

You could hear poor old Dad hollering and screaming in pain, for a good ten minutes finally everything went quiet. We all waited then the Doctor came out of the Bedroom.

How is he Doctor? asked Mum

His nose looks a lot better now replied the Doc I've sown a Button on it.

 

 

 

If you have children I bet this question as come up. My son came home from school and asked

Dad where do I come from?

Er well um and you go through THE TALK and explain everything and say 

Do you understand all that I've told you?

And with a Puzzled look on his face he said

Yes I think so. Only there's a New Boy in our class who comes from Cornwall and I just wondered where I came from.