Jokers Wild: Joke Of The Day.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

So I've got this Brand New Ducatti 916 Motorbike, Beautiful Machine in Red. And the wife asks

Can I take her Mother for spin on it?  Yes I suppose.

So the Mother-in-Law sits on the Pillion . Then it Starts GBH on the Ear hole.

You're going to fast slow down, mind that parked car watch out for those pedestrians On On she goes.

I pulled up at some traffic lights, they turn to Green and off I go. Half a Mile further on I get pulled over

by the Law. The Copper gets out of his Car and I remove my Helmet.

Are you aware Sir, Your Passenger fell off at the last set of Traffic Lights?

Thank Heavens I replied I thought I'd Gone Deaf.

[Piethagoram 𝕏 @piethagoram]

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie.

The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then bursts into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it?'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends? I know you'll love it.'

'OK,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves.

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

----------------------

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, 'Who are you?'

To which he is answered, 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes, I know.'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause, the rabbit said

'Mixin-me-toasties.’

~myxomatosis~

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Piethagoram 𝕏 @piethagoram]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

Two twin brothers, one with extremely large eyes the size of saucers and his brother with extremely large ears the size of plates, go for a job on a Clipper Ship. They report to the Ship's Captain who, looks them over to  the brother with the big eyes he says'

You can be the Ships Look Out. Up you go into the Crow's Nest. 

To the brother with large ears he says

I haven't got job for you, well I suppose you can scrub the Decks.

Anyway three weeks out of Port and the brother in the Crow's Nest shouts out

Chinese Junk off the Starboard Bowe.

The Captain looks through his telescope and there on the far horizon, he can see a little dot, slowly moving along. . That's amazing thinks the Captain.

How do you know it's a Chines Junk? shouts the Captain to the brother in the Crow's Nest.

Our Kid Can Hear Them Talking.

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]