Then there was this Chap who had a little Jack Russell Dog. 

He took that Dog with him everywhere he went. He even took the Dog Hand Gliding with him,

What he'd do was have a sling tied between his ankles and tie the Dog in the Sling and off they'd Go.

And as they floated around in the Sky Bird Poo would be the least of a Car Owners Worries.

 

I remember one time a girlfriend and I were walking along the edge of a Farmers field, it was Harvest time so all the Hay had been stacked. I said to her 

Do you Fancy a Roll in the Hay? Yeah Ok she said. 

We dug our way into the Hay stack and things started to get passionate, she pushed me backwards when Suddenly I got an agonising pain in my left Buttock. I yelled in pain. What's the matter? she asked I told her my problem.

Roll over and let me have a look she ordered. I did as she told me.

Blimey how unlucky Can You Get? You've got a Big Needle Stuck In Your Bum Cheek.

 

 

I went to help a mate out with his boat hiring business. What would happen each boat had a number on it and people would hire the boat for a certain length of time and when the time was up the boat number would be called in over a Mega Phone, and the boat would be returned. My mate showed me how to go on.

Right when a boat been out long enough you pick up the Mega Phone and say Boat 24 come in Please Boat 24 Thankyou.

He gave me the Mega Phone and after about quarter of an hour I announced Boat 99 come in Please Boat 99 Thankyou.

I haven't got a Boat 99 said my Mate. Picking up the Mega Phone I asked,

Boat 66 are you in trouble?

 

WWW.Conjunctivitis.com There's a Site For Sore Eyes.

At a local Athletics Meeting I was Chatting up a Lady Sprinter. People said I was trying to Pull a Fast One.

I once found an Alphabet Grenade. I thought if this goes Off It Could Spell Disaster.

I Love Fun Fair Food. Candy Floss Toffee Apples and those Boil in the Bag Gold Fish.

 

I was telling my Mates about the time me the wife and kids were on holiday. The Wife had taken the Lads down to the sea for a paddle and I was busy building Sand Castles for when they came back. 

All of a Sudden there was one hell of a row this bloke and his missus started screaming at each other Anyway he slaps her the she slaps him back and they were arguing and fighting.

Well somebody must have called the Local Plod, because this Copper turns up and tries to calm things down. Only for the bloke to start having ago at the Copper.

You'll never guess what happened next. Both my Mates Shook Their Heads. 

This Crocodile Comes Along And Eats Them All.

 

 

I don't know you think you Know Somebody then they Surprise you by doing something out of the Ordinary.

Take my Wife I didn't know She Was A Heckler

Boo Get Off Go On Get Off You're Rubbish

That was quite up setting when We were in Bed Together.