Jokers Wild: Joke Of The Day.

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

There was an Expedition Group exploring an uncharted piece of heavily Jungled terrain. When they were captured by a local Tribe and were taken to their King, who declared that the Group would be sacrificed to their Gods. The Groups leader stepped forward and said,

Your Majesty is their a way where we can keep our lives?

The King thinks then say's There are four challengers which one of must under take. If he passes the Challengers you are free to go.

Little Paddy steps forward and says I'll take on your challengers Mighty King.

Very Well says the King. Firstly you must drink a full bottle of  our 100% Spirit which we brew in one Go. Then you must walk bare foot across a bed of white hot coals. Thirdly in a cave in the Mountain, there is a Female Mountain Lion with a painful loose tooth hanging from her jaw you must remove the tooth with your bare hands and finally, you must go down into the village and make Love to the Ugliest Woman in our tribe.

No problem says Paddy. And off he sets to complete the Challengers. First the bottle of100% spirit straight down it goes. Taking off his Boots and socks Paddy walks across the white hot coals. Then he sets off up the Mountain path into the cave of the Female Mountain Lion. Every one followed at a safe Distance. From within the cave comes the sounds of  Growling and Roaring and screams of Pain and Agony. The group are convinced poor Paddy is Dead. But quarter of an hour later Paddy staggers out of the cave Badly Mauled Clawed covered in blood his clothes Ripped to Shreds. 

Right he says Where's the Woman with Toothache?

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

I was thrown out of Weight Watches  for making

Sarcastic Comments during the Weekly Weigh In.

I of course took it with Huge Grace.

Because they threw her out as well.

 

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

While going round an Antique Market a Woman finds an ornate mirror, which she falls in Love with, it costs a £100, she buys it and takes it home. She shows her Husband and tells him she's going to hang the Mirror in Their Bedroom. She hangs the Mirror and while looking in the Mirror at her refection she say's

I Wish I Had Bigger Boobs 

Then suddenly  her Boobs begin to swell and get bigger. She rushes down stairs and shows her Husband.

How did that happen? asks her Husband.

I think that Mirror I bought must be magic replies his wife. I was stood in front of the Mirror and said I Wish I Had Bigger Boobs, and this happened.

Her Husbands runs up stairs looks into the Mirror and says

I Wish My Willy touched the floor.

Then his Legs Fell Off.

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

My Mate is doing his Family History and he goes round asking his relatives

for stories, about people in his Family. Any way he was telling me that

During the War his Grandad refused go down the Air Raid Shelter  when

there was an Attack going on. He used to say

If the Bomb's got your name on it'll Get Yer.

Which was fine for Grandad who's surname was Turner

But their Next Door Neighbours Mr & Mrs Doodlebug.

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

I thought this was funny.

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

@Robbie Here's that Joke I said I'd tell you in another Thread.

There was a Farmer who had Three Daughters none of which were married. Now the Farmer wanted his Daughters Married so he placed a advert in his local paper offering a £1,000 to any man who would marry one of his three Daughters.

A Good Looking Local Boy comes to the Farmer and asks if he could take his Eldest Daughter Out. They go out have a nice night. The Farmer asks,

Will You Marry My Eldest Daughter?

NO replied the Lad. Because she's slightly Crossed eyed, Not a lot but just enough to put a Man Off.

The following night the Lad returns and takes the Farmers Middle Daughter out, they to have a nice evening. The Farmer asks

Will You Marry My Middle Daughter?

NO states the Lad. Because she's Slightly Bow Legged. Not a lot but just enough to put a Man Off.

On the third night the Lad takes the Farmers Youngest Daughter Out. They have an Amazing Evening. They get along really well have lots of things in common, to the lad it seems that Fate has had a Hand in their meeting. The Farmer asks

Will you Marry My Youngest Daughter?

OH YES replies the Lad. The Farmer gives the Lad an envelope with £5,000 in it.

I thought you were offering a £1,000 pound to me for Marrying your Daughter?

Ah says the Farmer You see Lad , She's Pregnant, Not A lot but just enough to put a Man Off.

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

When you've been married a long time a lot of things change from the Honeymoon Period of when you're first Married. I mean I know I shouldn't but I do little things, to annoy the wife, things like waking up in a Morning, Now that Really Annoys Her. Then things change like your body , you'll never guess what my wife as got Between her Boobs to try and turn me on. Her Belly Button.

My Wife as the smallest bladder in the World. Stop the car I need to Pee. We're Not Even Out of the Drive way. Your Love Life changes as well we used have a Good Love Life, now we just lie in Bed and Fart at Each Other. I said to her What Do You Want for your Birthday? A Widow's pension.

Mind You my Mate was telling me he knew when his wife had fallen out of Love with him. A few months ago, he had a Heart Attack and his Wife wrote for an Ambulance. My other Mate was telling me his wife thought their Love Life was Boring, the other night they were making Love and she put the Ash Tray in the middle of his Back.

So I said to My Wife. What Are You Going To When I'm Dead? She replied Hopefully I'll Be Acquitted.