Football Funnies.

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

Right Come On My Fellow PON Members, I'll lay down a Challenge for You. 

Lets put aside the worries of the Notts Injury List, Freezing Weather, or the Predicted Heavy Snowfall that's (Supposed) to be on it's way and have a Laugh or a Giggle, but your Joke or Funny Story Must Have A Football Theme. Can we get to Ten? I'll Start the Ball Rolling.

Luke Williams had a Funny Turn in the Swansea City Center. Luckily he was picked up by two Swans Fans and taken into the local Nat West.

As he drank some Sweet Tea to Help with his Recovery, he asked on of the Swans Fans

Where Am I ?

You're in the National Luke was the Reply

Blimey, What Happened to to Leagues 1 and 2?

There you Go there's the Start. Don't be Shy tell us a Funny Football Joke or Story, it doesn't matter How Daft or Corny It Is, Lets have a Laugh.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

Messi has been doing the business for Inter Miami this season. He scored a very quick hat trick last week & the Manager was so pleased with him. It seems Messi cannot do a thing wrong.

But the owner of the place where Messi is staying has an issue with the football icon, he's always leaving his room messi.

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

One Thing About our Lionel ,He Does Have A Mister Man Named After Him. And there's Not Many Football Icons can Boast About That!! Christian Who?

[Piethagoram 𝕏 @piethagoram]

C'mon @Wheelbarrow repair man

That was a re working of a joke when Larry Lloyd was manager of Notts

Larry Lloyd feels faint and collapses

"Where am I?"

You are in the Alliance ( a building society that sponsored what is now known as the National League)

"How many years have I been out? What happened to Divisions 1,2,3,4"

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

A local women's football team was looking for new recruits to fill there team.

One of the recruits was named Cinderella, & she looked very promising, but she had to be let go because she kept running away from the ball.

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

@Piethagoram

Actually when I heard the Joke it was told about Ron Atkinson when he was at Manchester United and was Told by Stan Boardman. I've just up dated it. You Know For  A Bit Of Fun.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

 

The new manager of a struggling football team in the Conference won’t stand for any nonsense.

Last Saturday at half time,  he caught two fans trying to climb over the wall of the ground & he wasn't amused at all.

He called them down, grabbed them by the scruff of their necks & said: “Get back in there & watch the game until it finishes!”

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

One Saturday afternoon the Pope was in the Vatican, and there was a knock at his Door.

Come in says the Pope.

A Cardinal comes in, I Bring you the Result of the Football Match Between the Fathers and the Rabbi's Your Holiness

Oh Yes how did the We get On? asks the Pope

I'm afraid the we got beat 9-0 Your Holiness

9-0 exclaims the Pope. 9-0 that's awful.

Not to worry Your Holiness, we've made a New Signing Father Messi, says the Cardinal.

Is he any Good ? Asks the Pope.

He's the Best Your Holiness, he's bound to Score.

The Pope is pleased with the News and he awaits the Result of the Return match the Following Saturday. At 5 o'clock that Saturday, there's a knock at his door and the same Cardinal comes in.

I have the Result of the Return  Match against the Rabbi's Your Holiness. We Lost 2-1.

2-1 says the Pope, well that's an Improvement . Who scored for Us?

Father Messi Your Holiness.

And for the Opposition?

Rabbi Kane and Rabbi Grealish

[Piethagoram 𝕏 @piethagoram]

Rushcliffe Rovers sign a new starlet from Brazil, who arrived with a limited English vocabulary.

His first training session, Nuno Espirito Santo is there shouting and pointing instructions...ball, goal...ball goal

The new lad says "Boss, I completely understand this!"

Nuno replies, "Sorry the instructions are not being directed at you personally.... it's for the rest of the thick squad to understand"

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

Anymore football funnies @Wheelbarrow repair man?

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

An Oldie but a Goldie? About the Great Brian Clough. From the Radio Trent News Desk.

Nottingham Forest Manager Brian Clough was admitted into the Q.M.C. this Morning,

After being Knocked Down By A Speed Boat.

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

A Premier League Team were playing in Europe for the First Time and were playing away in Germany and for the first the first 75 minutes they were Holding their own. Playing well and putting up a brilliant Defensive Display.

However in the last 15 minutes, everything goes wrong and the German Sides Top German Striker Scores three goals.

It was Reported after the Match the Premier League Head Coach was admitted to Hospital.

Due to Jerry Hattrick Problems.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

What did the referee say to the South American footballer who lied about deliberately handling the ball at the World Cup? 

I don’t Bolivia!

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

Dear Oh Dear @Robbie I Don't Bolivia. That is So Corny, but it made  me Chuckle, because it's so Bad it's Good. I Think @Chris is going to have to add another Emoji to PON, one that says I Don't Believe You Said That, or perhaps Dear Oh Dear.

[Robbie 𝕏 @Robbie_NCFC]

How about this one? Another corny one.

What's the best way to protect your house from bad football?

By purchasing a Guard-iola dog.

[Chris Website URL Visit Site 𝕏 fmcj10 Instagram fmcj10]

New emoji you say?  

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

Right this is my Last Footy Joke (that I remember) Which I Hope I Can Get Away With (Something Billy Connolly said on his First Parkinson Interview)

There was this Footballer who was the Leading Goal Scorer in the League he was playing in. Well he had a New Girlfriend, a Very Well Developed Young Lady (shall we say) Anyway they'd been going out for about six months and Nothing had happened in Bed. So one night the Young Lady decides she's going to get things started. Her and the Striker are laying in bed and she starts rubbing his Forehead.

My word she says what a Strong Forehead You've got.

Yeah, I've scored 15 Goals with my Forehead this season replies the Footballer.

Tracing her fingers across his Chest then down to his Left Leg she begins rubbing his Left Leg.

My Word what a Strong Left Leg You've Got.

Yeah, I've scored 15 Goals with my Left Leg as well says the Footballer.

His Girlfriend runs her fingers across his Belly then starts Rubbing his Right Leg.

Wow what a Strong Right Leg You've Got.

I've Scored 15 Goals with my right leg as well replies the Striker.

Getting very Aroused the Young Lady says Tell Me Have You Ever Felt A T*T?

Yeah the other Week when I Missed A Penalty.