If Helen of Troy's face Launched a thousand ships. It must have been one hell of Mess once they'd finished.

 

I remember when I was a young lad me and some pals went to this shall we say Dance Club.

Anyway me and the guys were sat at the front when one the Dancers came on stage and she starts wiggling her behind at me in her hand she had a riding crop and she said Do you wanna whip it, while still wiggling her behind.

I said You What?

She said Do You Wanna Whip It?

I said Well I wouldn't  Mind. Now I've got this little Greyhound to look after.

 

 

 

 

The wife comes down the stairs and says Look what I found in the wardrobe, I wore this on our first ever date and it's still fits. I looked at her and said  Sweetheart it's a Scarf.

Why is it the wife always asks you things you've got No Answer for. Take the other day she walks into the Kitchen while I'm having me Breakfast, Look at me, Just Look at me. What's up? I ask I'm only having a Fat Ugly Day. What do you say? Well Don't Go Out Then.

I went with my mate to a Bunjee Jump for Charity, one chap there was Blind and he was going to jump! How brave is that? The thing is have you ever heard a Labrador Scream?

Two Caterpillar's walking along a cabbage leaf and a Butterfly go's past. One Caterpillar says to the other You'd Never Get Me Up in one of those things.

Then there was the Slug who got Mugged by two snails. The Police asked him what happened? To which the Slug replied I don't know it was all over so quickly.

I went to the Vet and said I'm worried about my Cat. Is it a Tom? asked the Vet. No I've brought it with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was in the kitchen the other morning and a found a piece of folded paper on the Kitchen table. I opened it up and read Mop floor cleaner washing up liquid soft cloth and sponge . I thought bloody hell it's the wife's Bucket List