I Saw my 80 year old neighbour Stan the other day.

He seemed quite Upset.

What's Up Stan I asked.

He replied I went to an Antique Center last week,

And they Wouldn't Let Me Out.

A man and his Wife were passing their little Lad's bedroom, when they heard him saying his Prayers. So they Listened In.

The Little Lad said God Bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy, God Bless Grandma, Goodbye Grandad.

Then the Following day Poor Old Grandad, has a Heart Attack and dies.

That night the Husband and wife listen to their Son's Prayers.

God Bless Mummy, God Bless Daddy, Goodbye Grandma.

And the Next day Poor Old Grandma is run over by a Car and Dies.

Now the Parents are getting worried, but still listen to their Son.

God Bless Mummy, Goodbye Daddy.

Of course the Husband is worried sick, but he's determined to carry on as normal, so he goes to work the following Day. He arrives home that night, a Nervous Wreck but still in one Piece.

How was your Day Dear? askes his wife

Terrible says he Husband. But at least I'm Still Alive. How was your Day Darling?

Awful, Really Awful, I opened the front door this morning and Found The Postman Dead on the Door Matt.

I went to the local B&Q Store the other day and there was a big sign which said

Stainless Steel Sinks. I Thought Yes I Know It Does.

Anyway I got the few Items that I wanted, when I remembered about the Rat the wife had seen

next to our Dustbin. So I went up to a Young lady Assistant and asked Do You sell Rat Poison?

Yes Sir we do, it's over there next to the Sweets.

So I walked over an picked up a box of Rat Poison, then went back to the Young Lady Assistant.

I said I'm sorry but I haven't got my glasses, could you read the instructions for Me?

She smiled and said, You have to place the poison around the Rat's Hole.

I replied If I Could Get That Close To It I'd Hit It With A Brick.

There's this little Fellow trying to get into a Night Club. The Bouncer says

You can't come in here Mate.

Why Not? asks the small Chap. I'm a Famous Jockey I'll have you know.

He turns round to the Four blokes standing behind him.

And I ride these Gentlemen's Horse.

Like I said Your Not Coming In with those Trainers replies the Bouncer.