Notts County humiliated at Salford City

Notts County completely and disgracefully fluffed their lines in front of the nation as they fell to a meek, embarrassing 2-0 defeat away at Salford City in the first round of the FA Cup.

The only solace was that the overblown media love-in regarding the Class of ’92 and Richie Allen’s classy second goal put the focus solely on the achievements of Mini Man Utd as opposed to the clear and obvious failings of what the BBC effectively labelled as nondescript opposition. Were it not for the Man Utd connection of Kevin Pilkington, Alan Smith and Roy Carroll, the coverage may as well have had us in black silhouettes and question marks.

The warning signs were there in the first half as the likes of James Poole, Jordan Hulme and Lewis Hardcastle weighed in with dangerous chances, while the hosts’ overall play was slick and confident, in contrast to a Magpies side that, on the whole, failed to get out of second gear in the opening 45.

Ricardo Moniz’s charges enjoyed a few short bursts of attacking intent, most notably when Mike Edwards fired narrowly wide early on and Thierry Audel’s cross intended for Jon Stead was cleared away by Stephen O'Halloran.

Notts did well to survive the first half unscathed, but just 20 seconds into the second half – after they had kicked off, no less – they were a goal down, in the comical manner of Harry Enfield’s vintage Miles Chormondley-Warner spoof: “And they’re off… and it’s a goal.”

That is literally what happened, as a tentative foray forward by the visitors was halted, sent upfield towards Poole, who bear Audel on the right and whipped a cross into the six-yard box for Webber to slide past Roy Carroll and into the net, all within less than half a minute.

Trailing 1-0, it almost got even worse for the Magpies, Hulme firing against the crossbar on 57 minutes after seizing onto a pass from O'Halloran and slicing through a lacklustre Notts defence like butter.

Webber then went close to doubling his tally, racing onto the ball inside the box and forcing Carroll into a good save at his near post.

Notts, however, came within a whisker of getting back level when a clearance struck Adam Campbell and trickled towards goal, but agonisingly for the Black and White Army, Andy Dawson ran back to clear off the line.

Then came the humiliating sucker punch. Allen claimed the ball and headed towards the left-hand byline, drawing three Notts defenders towards him. A deft Cruyff turn was all it took to put the trio completely out of action and, after a somewhat flaky one-two, he recovered to curl the ball past Carroll and send the BBC… I mean, send the home crowd completely barmy.

Notts knew they were down and out, struggling to see out the game without conceding yet again as they made their non-league opponents seem like a top-flight side. As I said before, it was almost a relief that all the focus was on Salford, because it somewhat masked the fact that Notts were awful.

And it’s not just us saying it – Colin Slater called the team a “disgrace”, while Mark Stallard – one of Notts County’s greatest players of the last 15 years – described them as “inept”, “abject” and embarrassing”.

Enough said.