Napoleon and his Army marched back through the High Winds and Driving Snow, after the

disaster of their Russian Campaign, for three days they had marched when Finally the Emperor Calls

HALT

The order is sent down the line of Battle wary Soldiers.. Suddenly about a Half Mile back a loan Trooper

breaks ranks and goes hurrying along the Ranks of Tired Soldiers. 20 minutes later, running in full kit 

with his rifle, Sweat pouring down his face and Gasping for Breath, the Trooper looks at his Emperor

Yeah What Do You Want?

Napoleon looks at him and says

I Called HALT.

HALT says the Soldier I thought You Called WALT.

This Chap was sitting at the Bar When his Mate walks in with his New Dog.

A Beautiful Coal Black Labrador.

My Word George says the Bloke at the Bar. That is a Magnificent Animal.

Thankyou Albert says the Dogs Owner. I'll let you in to a Secret.

That there Dog is also a Blacksmith.

A Blacksmith Don't Rubbish.

No it's True. If I kick in the Nuts ,it'll make a Bolt For That Door.

 

Former Notts County and now Swansea Manager Luke Williams had a Dizzy Spell in Swansea City Centre and Fell Over.

Luckily two Swans Fans picked him up and took him into a nearby Nat West where he recovered.

While drinking a Cup of Sweet Tea, Mr Williams Asked

Where am I?

You're in the National Luke

Good Grief . What Happened to Leagues 1 & 2 ?

I sat gazing at the Night Sky, a Million Stars sparkled like Diamonds, which had been thrown by some Giant's Hand

across the Black Velvet Heavens. Gossima thin clouds raced across the face of a Full Moon, blown by a Cosmic Breeze.

The  Full Moon Hung in the Night Sky, like a Shield of some Celestial Warrior awaiting his Return.

It was then I thought

I really need to put A Roof On This Outside Loo.

 

 

 

 

 

When Her Late Majesty Queen Elizabeth II opened Buckingham Palace to the Public for the first time, my Mate Dave and his Missus went down for a visit.

While on a Guided Tour they stopped to Admire a couple of Painting and other items the turned and found themselves alone, the Tour had moved off with out them. They wondered around and got Completely Lost.

Then a Chap in a Naval Uniform ( yes I wondered) came through out of a nearby room and asked

Are You Lost?

I'm afraid so replied Dave

Not to worry said the Naval Gent. Simply  go to the end of  this corridor turn left and the second exit along will bring you back to the Tour.

Thanks Very Much said my Mate.

Him and his wife were about to set off when a Fanfare  sounded.

Who's that? asked Dave's wife

That's the Queen declared the Naval Gent

By Gum said Dave She plays a mean Trumpet.

 

My boss told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

 

Do you remember that Talent Show on the Tele, Stars In Their Eyes ?

Well my Uncle Percy went on that Programme

And who are you going to be? asked Mathew Kelly

Tonight Mathew, I'm going to be Glen Miller

Then he went through the Smoke and we haven't Seen Him Since.

There were these two W.R.E.N.S who had gotten a Weekend Pass, They had to be back at their Base by Midnight on the Sunday.

Unfortunately  they got back at a Quarter past 12. 

What we going to do now Trace? asked the first WREN

Well we'll have to Climb the Wall and Crawl over the Barb Wire that runs along the top.

So Tracey gives her mate Sharon a bunk Up Grabbing the top of the wall Sharon starts to crawl under the Barb Wire.

Here Trace, I feel like a Commando.

So Do I replies Tracey. But were are we going to get a Commando at this time in the Morning?