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[GrannyPie]

:rollonfloorlaughing: That had me in stitches.

[super_ram]

Me too :rollonfloorlaughing:

[4everapie]

Did you hear about the 2 gay ghosts, they keep putting the willies up each other.

Paddy apply for a job, and the interviewer tells him he has to pass a simple test, ok says paddy no problem, Interviewer says "name 2 days of the week beginning with T" he thinks for a minute an says Today and Tomorrow.

Chap goes into opticians, and says Can I have an eye test as I can't see very far. Course you can and optician takes him outside and says "what's that in the sky" chap looks up and says It's the sun. Optician says P*** off how far do you want to see.

Woman goes for eye test, optician tells her to go behind screen and take her top and bra off.

She protests but eventually does it.

Optician comes in and lifts up left breast and asks if she can see a hole in her nipple, no she says he lifts up other breast and asks same question, no she says. Right so he gets his Todger out and says Can you see a hole in that. Yes she says as plain as day. He says to her Right eye is over, and my conclusion is that you are cockeyed.

[Fan of Big Tone 𝕏 @mainstandpie]

I don't know about anyone else but I could do with a "dislike" button for some of these recent jokes.

 

Anyway here is a non racist, no swearing, clean joke for a family forum.

 

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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandad and his badly-behaved grandson.

He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things.

The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."

Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad".

"Thanks," says the grandad. "But I am William. This little so and so's name is Kevin."

[Northants Pie]

I don't know about anyone else but I could do with a "dislike" button for some of these recent jokes.

 

Anyway here is a non racist, no swearing, clean joke for a family forum.

 

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I apologise if I offended you or anyone else with any of those jokes that i posted & as such I have deleted the content of my recent posts ( I don't know how to delete the posts themselves so @notts-joe if you could delete them it would be appreciated).

[Fan of Big Tone 𝕏 @mainstandpie]

I apologise if I offended you or anyone else with any of those jokes that i posted & as such I have deleted the content of my recent posts ( I don't know how to delete the posts themselves so @notts-joe if you could delete them it would be appreciated).

 

 

I just thought they were a bit near the knuckle but perhaps its just me, this forum is used by women and youngsters but as I say I am old fashioned, I don't think anyone else complained.

[Chris Website URL Visit Site 𝕏 fmcj10 Instagram fmcj10]

Nobody complained and normally I would let things slide, I'm not a fan of being over PC and I am not digging at anyone here.

I just feel if anyone was really all that bothered, they would complain and then I or any team member could take the appropriate action. I appreciate @Northants Pie for being respectful by editing them.

I doubt anyone who would use PoN would blame the site or take offense, it's a case of using the report button.

Thanks folks

[Northants Pie]

I just thought they were a bit near the knuckle but perhaps its just me, this forum is used by women and youngsters but as I say I am old fashioned, I don't think anyone else complained.

 

That's completely fair enough, don't apologise for being old fashioned as it's your given right to be what ever you want and if everyone was a bit more 'old fashioned' sometimes this country would be a better place. Please don't think I was being funny because I wasn't, I apologised and deleted the posts as it's not for me to rattle around like a 20 pence piece in a tin can just being stubborn about where other people draw the line with acceptance of any given subject, I saw the possible offence caused and took the necessary steps to correct it.

 

Life's good & in the words of Mr Trew "Onwards & Upwards"  

[Northants Pie]

Nobody complained and normally I would let things slide, I'm not a fan of being over PC and I am not digging at anyone here.

I just feel if anyone was really all that bothered, they would complain and then I or any team member could take the appropriate action. I appreciate @Northants Pie for being respectful by editing them.

I doubt anyone who would use PoN would blame the site or take offense, it's a case of using the report button.

Thanks folks

 

Thanks for deleting the posts mate 

[Fan of Big Tone 𝕏 @mainstandpie]

Nobody complained and normally I would let things slide, I'm not a fan of being over PC and I am not digging at anyone here.

 

 

I don't think it's a case of "being over PC" as I said we have a family type readership on here and I thought the joke about Tom Daly was not only Homophobic but in particular bad taste, I am really surprised that other people didn't back me up with that. Especially on a football forum where football in general is supposedly trying to stamp that sort of thing out.

 

That's completely fair enough, don't apologise for being old fashioned as it's your given right to be what ever you want and if everyone was a bit more 'old fashioned' sometimes this country would be a better place. Please don't think I was being funny because I wasn't, I apologised and deleted the posts as it's not for me to rattle around like a 20 pence piece in a tin can just being stubborn about where other people draw the line with acceptance of any given subject, I saw the possible offence caused and took the necessary steps to correct it.

 

Life's good & in the words of Mr Trew "Onwards & Upwards"  

 

 

Thanks @Northants Pie I appreciate those words.

[super_ram]

I hope you still post some jokes @Northants Pie and other topics  I've often stopped myself from posting because I've thought I may offend someone.I certainly don't wish to upset anyone on here and i know you didn't mean to.

[weymouthPIE]

In the year 2013 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Ireland, and said:

 

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of everything, along with a few good humans".

 

He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying: "you have six months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

 

Six months later the Lord looked down and saw Noah in his yard weeping, but with no Ark.

 

"Noah!" he roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

 

"Forgive me Lord" begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations approvals and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system."

 

My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, although in my view it is a temporary structure.

 

We had to then go to appeal to the AN Bord Pleannala for a decision. Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark's move to sea. I told them that the sea would be coming for us, but they wouldn't have it.

 

Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a site of Special Scientific interest set up in order to protect the Spotted Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the Owl - but no go!

 

When I started gathering the animals, the DSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued that the accomodation was too restrictive, and it was deemed cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

 

Then the County Council, the Envornmental Protection Agency and Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

 

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Oppurtunities Comission on how many disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The Trades Union say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark building experience.

 

To make matters worse, Customs & Exciles seized my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

 

So forgive me lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

 

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

 

Noah looked up in wonder, and asked: "you mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

 

"No", said the Lord....."The Irish government beat me to it"

[GrannyPie]

Lol!

[super_ram]

Nice one.

[Chris Website URL Visit Site 𝕏 fmcj10 Instagram fmcj10]

[super_ram]

:rollonfloorlaughing: Love it.

[Chris Website URL Visit Site 𝕏 fmcj10 Instagram fmcj10]

[PTID1862]

Ooops a whole thread to read that I missed out on... might be able to nick some of these for the Christmas table

[Chris Website URL Visit Site 𝕏 fmcj10 Instagram fmcj10]

@PTID1862 speaking of Christmas, a friend on FB shared this.

[PTID1862]

ha ha ha ha ha

[GrannyPie]

[Blathers67]

In 1985 a newlywed couple on their honeymoon in Asia were walking round their resort when one of the stalls proudly claimed that for $5 the local chief would answer any question on any subject or they would win $1000. The guy says to his wife 'Easy money this' and went to see the chief and paid his money. 'What was the score the last time Brighton played Charlton Athletic?' said the guy. The chief looked at the visitor, thought for a moment and replied 'Brighton 0 Charlton 1. The match was played at the Goldstone ground. It was the 4th round of the FA Cup and the attendance was17 863'. Needless to say the couple were absolutely astounded and walked out $5 worse off. In 2010 the same couple returned to the same resort for a second honeymoon as their Silver wedding anniversary celebrations. As they walked round the resort they noticed that the local chief still had his stall. They both looked at each other and thought he couldn't possibly still be alive and presumed it was his son. However curiosity got the better of them and they entered the stall. They decided to pay him their respect in the same way as the locals and turned to the chief and said 'How'. The chief looked at the couple, gathered his thoughts and replied...... 'Derek Hales, diving header 63rd minute.