The Wife comes in after day out Hi Sweetheart Did You Miss Me ? She asked With Every Bullet So Far, I replied

I went to the Headquarters of the PDSA, it's such a Tiny Place, you couldn't Swing A Cat round.

If the actress Whoopi Goldberg married the Master of Horror Peter Cushing. She'd be known as Whoopi Cushing.

My Wife and I were in a restaurant waiting to be served, across the way sat a woman on her own I think she was  waiting for someone. Suddenly the woman Farted it was very loud and all the other customers heard it. She turned to the waiter and said Stop That. He looked at her and said Madame which way did it go?

I remember the First Time I Ever Saw My Wife. She was outside a shop picking her teeth. Then  she went in and Bought Them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know when your Love Life gone down the drain, when your making Love to your wife and she puts the Ash tray in the middle of your back.

My mate Danny he's a bit of a Lad, spent his life in and out of prison, anyway I met him in a pub the other night, he told me he 'd just robbed a place and he had two pictures in the boot of his car, one worth £1.7 million and one worth£1.9 million, would I like to see them. Yeah Ok I said. In the car park he open's his car boot and I had a look. Danny I said you've robbed an Estate Agents.

I went to the Doctor's and he asked for a stool sample, so I've  enrolled in a basic woodworking class, the Doc did looked  concerned when I said it will probably take a couple of months for me to produce.

I'm currently studying my families history. One of my Great Great Uncles knew, the exact day he was going to die. A judge told him.

 

Three old guys sitting on park bench, first old man says  it's Windy, his mate says No it's Thursday and third bloke says So am I lets go for a pint.

I was once asked in I believed in reincarnation, I said No and I didn't believe in it when I was a Frog.

Plural it's Binoculars. While singerly it's Telescope.

Every time me and the wife make Love, I put a pound in a glass jar at the side of the bed, then come December , I take all the money out of the jar and buy the wife her Christmas present with money. I'll tell you what, she's Not getting that New Coat She Wanted.

 

 

 

 

What about the Football Team playing in the Europe for the first  time , they're away in Germany, hold their own then in the last three minutes of the game the German Centre forward scores three goals. The Manager had to go to hospital  for Jerry Hat Trick treatment.

My Mum always told me there's always one weirdo on every bus. But I could never find him.

Then there was the time my watch stopped half  way through a minute's silence. I couldn't tell anybody, I was stood there for hours.

I need to go and have my eyes tested, I never see the wife until I'm on top of her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

OOOPS  Jokes disappeared don't know why.

Edited February 24, 20241 yr by Wheelbarrow repair man
my computer is playing up.