Jokers Wild: Joke Of The Day.

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

Me and a couple of mates were on our Locals Jolly Boys Outing in Scarborough, My  mate Dave says I fancy an ice cream so we went along the sea front to an ice cream kiosk . Three 99's please Dave ordered. Hundreds and thousands? asked the ice cream seller. No  just three 99's Thankyou. As we walked along the prom  my other mate Phil asked Did you hear about the Ice Cream man found dead in his van? He was covered in syrup hundreds and thousands crushed nuts and broken chocolate flakes. Police reckoned he'd topped himself.

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

A bloke walked into a Police station  and said I think my wife maybe dead. Maybe dead Sir, how do you mean maybe dead? asks the copper. The bloke replies well the sex is the same but the washing is piling up.

Christmas Day 2063 the family are all sat round after a big lunch, when one of the Grand kids says Hey Grandad sing us a song from the Old Days. So Grandad stands up and says well here's a song that is very dear to me and your Nan. It's called Slap your ***** up.

A bloke's walking down the street when a crowd of people come rushing past him. He grabs one chap by the arm and asks What's happening? A tiger's escaped from the Zoo. Which way is it going?  Well you don't think we're running towards it do you?

I was at the bar in my local the other night, when this rather good looking young lady comes and stands next to me, and she was wearing the tightest pair of black leather pants I've ever seen in my life. I said to her how on earth do you get into those pants? Well she replied you start off by buying me a drink.

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

You know as you look back to the times when you were younger, you notice how things have changed how you have changed. I was looking through an old photo Album the other day, and I noticed how slim and fit I looked. In fact when I was younger I used to do an exercise routine naked. Well that was until the wife said Come away from those French windows if anyone sees you they'll think I only married you for your money.

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

The were ten new members of the Para troop regiment going on their first ever jump. The jump instructor a Sargent  is giving them their final instructions. Right men pay attention . This when this red light turns to green, it means we're over the Drop Zone I'll each of you on the shoulder that's when you jump out of the Aircraft, you then count to 3 and pull the Rip Cord should your chute Not Open wait another 3 seconds and  pull the Rip Cord of your emergency chute. What happens if that chute doesn't open Sarge ? asks a voice. That's easy Son you just shout Geronimo. All of the jumpers depart the plane and the Sargent sits down for a smoke. Suddenly there's a knocking from outside the Aircrafts door . The Sargent opens the door and there's a bloke frantically flapping his arms, he looks at the Sargent and says What's the name of that Red Indian again Sarge?

[Robbie]

 

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

Did you hear about the Gynecologist who painted his front hall way through his letter box?

What three words don't you want to hear when you make Love? Darling I'm home.

A mate of mine who's not the sharpest knife in the drawer was asked to name two days of the week that began with the letter T. He replied Today and Tomorrow.

My mate Dave loves doing crosswords, I was watching him one time and said that's wrong, 6 across four letters often found in the bottom of Bird Cages. The correct answer is Grit.

[Robbie]

What colour is the wind?

Blew

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Robbie]

 

[Wheelbarrow repair man]

When you were a kid did you ever have a Saturday job? I did I worked for a local photographer I didn't take any pictures just kept the studio clean and tidy ran errands and helped in the Dark room. Then made sure all customers were comfortable before they had their photo taken. Anyway one Saturday morning two Old Dears came in, I got them settled and the photographer started to go through his routine. What's he doing Mavis? asked one  Old girl. He's getting his equipment ready answered her friend. What's he doing now Mavis? He's checking the light's  right with his light meter. The photographer stood behind his camera and began to twiddle with the lens. What's he doing now Mavis? He's going to Focus, What both of us?