Wheelbarrow repair man

@Robbie Here's that Joke I said I'd tell you in another Thread. There was a Farmer who had Three Daughters none of which were married. Now the Farmer wanted his Daughters Married so he placed a advert in his local paper offering a £1,000 to any man who would marry one of his three Daughters. A Good Looking Local Boy comes to the Farmer and asks if he could take his Eldest Daughter Out. They go out have a nice night. The Farmer asks, Will You Marry My Eldest Daughter? NO replied the Lad. Because she's slightly Crossed eyed, Not a lot but just enough to put a Man Off. The following night the Lad returns and takes the Farmers Middle Daughter out, they to have a nice evening. The Farmer asks Will You Marry My Middle Daughter? NO states the Lad. Because she's Slightly Bow Legged. Not a lot but just enough to put a Man Off. On the third night the Lad takes the Farmers Youngest Daughter Out. They have an Amazing Evening. They get along really well have lots of things in common, to the lad it seems that Fate has had a Hand in their meeting. The Farmer asks Will you Marry My Youngest Daughter? OH YES replies the Lad. The Farmer gives the Lad an envelope with £5,000 in it. I thought you were offering a £1,000 pound to me for Marrying your Daughter? Ah says the Farmer You see Lad , She's Pregnant, Not A lot but just enough to put a Man Off.

My Mate is doing his Family History and he goes round asking his relatives for stories, about people in his Family. Any way he was telling me that During the War his Grandad refused go down the Air Raid Shelter when there was an Attack going on. He used to say If the Bomb's got your name on it'll Get Yer. Which was fine for Grandad who's surname was Turner But their Next Door Neighbours Mr & Mrs Doodlebug.

While going round an Antique Market a Woman finds an ornate mirror, which she falls in Love with, it costs a £100, she buys it and takes it home. She shows her Husband and tells him she's going to hang the Mirror in Their Bedroom. She hangs the Mirror and while looking in the Mirror at her refection she say's I Wish I Had Bigger Boobs Then suddenly her Boobs begin to swell and get bigger. She rushes down stairs and shows her Husband. How did that happen? asks her Husband. I think that Mirror I bought must be magic replies his wife. I was stood in front of the Mirror and said I Wish I Had Bigger Boobs, and this happened. Her Husbands runs up stairs looks into the Mirror and says I Wish My Willy touched the floor. Then his Legs Fell Off.

I was thrown out of Weight Watches for making Sarcastic Comments during the Weekly Weigh In. I of course took it with Huge Grace. Because they threw her out as well.

There was an Expedition Group exploring an uncharted piece of heavily Jungled terrain. When they were captured by a local Tribe and were taken to their King, who declared that the Group would be sacrificed to their Gods. The Groups leader stepped forward and said, Your Majesty is their a way where we can keep our lives? The King thinks then say's There are four challengers which one of must under take. If he passes the Challengers you are free to go. Little Paddy steps forward and says I'll take on your challengers Mighty King. Very Well says the King. Firstly you must drink a full bottle of our 100% Spirit which we brew in one Go. Then you must walk bare foot across a bed of white hot coals. Thirdly in a cave in the Mountain, there is a Female Mountain Lion with a painful loose tooth hanging from her jaw you must remove the tooth with your bare hands and finally, you must go down into the village and make Love to the Ugliest Woman in our tribe. No problem says Paddy. And off he sets to complete the Challengers. First the bottle of100% spirit straight down it goes. Taking off his Boots and socks Paddy walks across the white hot coals. Then he sets off up the Mountain path into the cave of the Female Mountain Lion. Every one followed at a safe Distance. From within the cave comes the sounds of Growling and Roaring and screams of Pain and Agony. The group are convinced poor Paddy is Dead. But quarter of an hour later Paddy staggers out of the cave Badly Mauled Clawed covered in blood his clothes Ripped to Shreds. Right he says Where's the Woman with Toothache?

There were these two Old Girls who were always on the look out for a Bargain. One day they were walking round a Market and one of them finds a Toilet Brush on the label it says For All Your Toilet Needs. Only 50p So she buys it. It's the last one. Anyway the Two Old Girls meet up again a Fortnight later. Here Edith how are you getting on with that Toilet Brush? Well I'm still using it Ada, but my Husband's gone back to using Toilet Paper.

My Mate Phil is one of those guys who enjoys collecting facts about all manner of things Historical, Nature Human Nature and at times he can be quite boring other times very interesting. For example, he asked how do you know Your Girlfriend is putting on weight? She Fits Into Your Wife's Clothes.

It was my Niece's birthday the other week. So I asked my sister what was she into? Oh Frozen Stuff. So I bought some Over Chips and Peas,

You know I've always been a Big Dog Fan. In fact all my Family have dogs. Mind you I remember one time, I was bitten by a German Shepard. He later apologized. He said He'd drank to much schnapps at Dinner Time.

I'm always trying to eat healthy , keep fit, the other week a Mate asked Hey have you Lost Weight? Well I am trying to get into Shape. And what's this Month's Shape, a Pear? asked my other Mate. I'll have you know I've got Water Retention I replied. More Like Chips and Beer Retention said my Mate. Yeah you're Probably Right.

@Fan of Big Tone Duncan Ballantine. Was the Fella.

@Fan of Big Tone, I was just about to ask Which Dragon Are You?

@upthepies My thoughts exactly, I've stated in another thread a fiver to stand up and a tenner to sit down, plus an extra fiver if you want to park your car. Then the drinks and the food you buy, it could turn out to be far to expensive for a family to attend. Plus is it a fiver to gain entrance on a Notts Match Day? Plus the place is Cashless. What happens if Fans don't have a Card and prefer to pay Cash.? I know I do. I 'll go down the Lane watch the match and go to my favourite watering hole the Partizan Tavern.

Any PON members go to the Opening Night at the Fan Zone? If so can we have a Honest Report? Both The Good and The Bad?

Willie Carlin, Matijja Sarkic and now Kevin Campbell. The loss of three players in such a short time, truly Heart Breaking. May they All Rest In Peace.

Walking round a Record Shop the other day looking at LP's, the prices nowadays are Crazy. Anyway going through Records section by Section .I couldn't find what I wanted. So I said to the Youth behind the Counter What have you got by the Doors. He looked at me a bit funny and replied A Bucket of Sand and a Fire Blanket. Everybody thinks they're a Comedian.

There's an old Guy sitting on his front porch when a little lad he knows walks by with something under his arm. What you got there Johnny ? I've got me a roll of Chicken wire, I'm gonna catch me some chickens. The old Guy says You wont catch chickens with chicken wire. But a few hours later back comes Johnny with half a dozen Chickens in the chicken wire. The following day the old Guy's out on his porch again and along comes Johnny. What you got there Johnny? I've got me some Duct tape, I'm gonna catch me some ducks You'll never catch any Ducks with Duct tape. But once again a few hours later Johnny returns with six ducks wrapped in the Duct tape. On the third day Johnny comes along swishing a stick though the air What you got there Johnny? asks the old Guy I've got me some P**** Willow. Hold on Son, I'll get me coat and come with you.

It is Sad to hear about the Death of any player in the Football Family , but it certainly hits home when a Guy so young passes. R.IP Matija

The Wife and I went for a drive in the country. We stopped at this nice Pub. In the lounge there was this chap sitting next to the fire he had dog lying at his feet, of course the wife goes over and starts making a fuss of the Dog. Who's this then? she asked. That be my Gun Dog Caesar replied the owner Anyway we sat down at a nearby table, when this Bloke walks in and goes to the bar. Instantly Caesar's up watching this Bloke like an hawk. The bloke sits down. Caesar sits down. As soon as the bloke gets up again, the Dog's straight up and watches him until he sits down again, then the Dog sits down again. Anyway this goes on all night every time this Chap makes a move old Caesar's up watching until the chap settles down again, the Dog sits back down. Just before closing time, the Chap turns to leave, and the Barman says Good night Mr Partridge.

You know I really enjoy Wildlife Programmes on the Tele. They're really interesting. You learn all about animals Insects fish and all the Creatures on our Earth. You also get questions to answer about the Animal Planet, Like, How many Flies does it take to Screw in a Light Bulb? Answer Two. The biggest problem is getting them into the Light Bulb.

Have you ever come across the type of person, who for No apparent reason just starts talking to you? You don't know them nor they you. But they still start chatting. Well the other day I was in a urinal have a wee, when this bloke at the other end starts hacking and spitting making an awful row. He looks at me then says. I'll Tell You One Thing Youth. Those Pineapple Chunks Taste Bloody Horrible.

Two twin brothers, one with extremely large eyes the size of saucers and his brother with extremely large ears the size of plates, go for a job on a Clipper Ship. They report to the Ship's Captain who, looks them over to the brother with the big eyes he says' You can be the Ships Look Out. Up you go into the Crow's Nest. To the brother with large ears he says I haven't got job for you, well I suppose you can scrub the Decks. Anyway three weeks out of Port and the brother in the Crow's Nest shouts out Chinese Junk off the Starboard Bowe. The Captain looks through his telescope and there on the far horizon, he can see a little dot, slowly moving along. . That's amazing thinks the Captain. How do you know it's a Chines Junk? shouts the Captain to the brother in the Crow's Nest. Our Kid Can Hear Them Talking.

So I've got this Brand New Ducatti 916 Motorbike, Beautiful Machine in Red. And the wife asks Can I take her Mother for spin on it? Yes I suppose. So the Mother-in-Law sits on the Pillion . Then it Starts GBH on the Ear hole. You're going to fast slow down, mind that parked car watch out for those pedestrians On On she goes. I pulled up at some traffic lights, they turn to Green and off I go. Half a Mile further on I get pulled over by the Law. The Copper gets out of his Car and I remove my Helmet. Are you aware Sir, Your Passenger fell off at the last set of Traffic Lights? Thank Heavens I replied I thought I'd Gone Deaf.

A ticket costing £5 to stand and a tenner to sit down during the Euro's ? No Thanks. Then the cost of a drink and something to eat, that's not going to make it a cheap Afternoon/ Night out for a Family. Plus a Fiver if you want to park your car. Go down to the Local and watch England games for nothing. Or watch it at home get a some bottles in a few nibble have your mates round and watch the Matches on your own Flat Screen Plasma TV.. Is this how much it will cost to get into the Nest on Match Day a Fiver a Time? Everything as got to be paid for by Card. Going Cashless? Nah Not For Me Thanks.

Anybody on PON Superstitious? Because looking at the Nest Logo there's only One Magpie. And as the Rhyme goes ONE FOR SORROW. Lets Hope Another Magpie is Added. TWO FOR JOY.