Wheelbarrow repair man

I remember one time a girlfriend and I were walking along the edge of a Farmers field, it was Harvest time so all the Hay had been stacked. I said to her Do you Fancy a Roll in the Hay? Yeah Ok she said. We dug our way into the Hay stack and things started to get passionate, she pushed me backwards when Suddenly I got an agonising pain in my left Buttock. I yelled in pain. What's the matter? she asked I told her my problem. Roll over and let me have a look she ordered. I did as she told me. Blimey how unlucky Can You Get? You've got a Big Needle Stuck In Your Bum Cheek.

Then there was this Chap who had a little Jack Russell Dog. He took that Dog with him everywhere he went. He even took the Dog Hand Gliding with him, What he'd do was have a sling tied between his ankles and tie the Dog in the Sling and off they'd Go. And as they floated around in the Sky Bird Poo would be the least of a Car Owners Worries.

A neighbour of mine who's not the sharpest Knife in the draw and me were stood talking at his Garden gate, when a Lorry load of Turf went past. I wish I was rich enough to send my Grass away to be cut, he said. How about the Red Indian Chief who died after drinking 57 cups of PG Tips. They found him lying in his own Tea Pee My Family Tree only goes back 3 Generations my Grandad was a Lumber Jack.

Robbie I said that Macca and Cedwyn should have started the Colchester game up front and see how that went. At the least Ceds should have had some game time today. Maynard is he a Glutton for Punishment? He must have known that that kind of Performance is Going To Rankle Fans, does he Enjoy getting Abuse from Fans on Social Media? You know it's going to be coming with Venom, what is up with the Bloke? After clawing back some sort of Dignity and Respect from Fans the Magpies turn in a Display like that. How many better players are going to attracted to the Club with a Dithering undecisive Head Coach in the Dug Out? Let's hope Notts can hold onto Jim O'Brien because if the Magpies don't get off to a Decent Start, next season Jim could find himself back in charge as interim Boss again.

PATHETIC CAN'T EVEN BEAT THE TEAM AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LEAGUE. One Striker up front Again. Seriously Maynard brings the Fans Wrath Down upon his Own Head with his choices. From an Off Season where there could have been plenty of Hope for the Club at the beginning of 2024/2025 for the Next three months there's only going to be Negative response from the Fans and Fresh Calls for Stuart Maynard's head and how much Longer is the "Model" game plan going to be played, until it's realised it doesn't work in League 2? There's going to be Massive Questions asked in this coming off Season and if they're Not Answered there is going to be an Exodus of Fans from the Lane. At Least the RAMS WON and are Promoted back to The Championship. Happy For You Super Ram at Least you have something to Celebrate Good on Yer.

There's a Couple of Brothers I know who have a Prize Bull and they hire out the Bull to service Cows all over the Country and they make thousands of Pounds at it. Anyway I met them in the Pub the other week looking a bit worried What's up Lads ? I asked. It's the Bull it's got a problem like blokes who have Brewers droop. So we've had to get the Vet in. £500 it's cost for these special pills. Well a few days later I was back in the Pub chatting to the Landlord. I asked him about the Brother's Bull. Did the Pills cure the Bulls Problem? Oh aye says the Landlord the Boys gave the Bull four tablets and that very afternoon it goes out and services 27 cows. 27 Cows I said I wonder what's in them pills? I don't know replied the Landlord But They Taste Of Peppermint.

A Premier League Referee is being investigated by Nothing. Sorry a Premier League Referee is being investigated by the FA. What three words do you Not want to hear when you make Love? Darling I'm Home. All the Children in my Friends Family are named after Saints. He's David and his two brothers are named George and Andrew. And he has a Sister Pancake Day.

If there was a vote on who would win the contest of the World's Best Religious Leader? I'd have a fiver on the Dalia Lama if I was a Tibetan Man. Then there was the Bloke who played the Piano on a Platform in a Railway Station. After he'd finished, I had a little Tinkle on it myself and saved 30p. I was once asked if I was a Considerate Lover? I replied Yes I always lift my feet up when the Wife's hoovering.

Walking round B & Q there was a big Orange sign which said Stainless Steel Sinks. I thought yeah I know it does. My Mates wife had a Bluebird tattooed on her shoulder when she was in her 20's. Now she's in her 60's It looks like a Vulture. I used to be a Human Cannon Ball in a Circus. £120 a week plus a bit of Travel Money. My youngest Son comes in the front room and says Dad there's a bloke with a Bald Head at the Door. I said Tell him I've already got one.

WARNING Never Laugh At Your Wife's Choices Remember You Were One Of Them

As this is the final Game of the season perhaps it's time to give a couple of Notts youngsters a chance of minutes on the pitch. Also start Cedwyn Scott from the off along side Macca. Hopefully Macca can score a Brace to push him past the 30 goal in a season mark. Final score Forest Green 0-3 Notts.

I used to race Pigeons. But got fed up of always being beaten. I was saw this bloke on the rifle range at a Fun Fair. His first shot took the head of a Teddy Bear his second shot smashed a load of plates . Ok said the Stall owner Put the Gun down and you can have any prize in booth. The guy looks at the Stall owner and says I'll have one of those Moving Tin Ducks. I'm not saying my Wife's a bad cook. But Flies don't buzz around our Dust Bin. They lean on it and Moan.

So I rang up the Spiritual leader of Tibet and a fortnight later a goat with a long neck arrived for me. Apparently I'd called Dial a Lamar. Have you ever heard of Spoonerisms? That 's when you take the first letter of somebody's name and change it with the First letter of their last name. Like Nottingham's famous son Robin Hood, becomes Hobin Rood, Little John becomes Jittle Lohn and Will Scarlet is Sill Wcarlet, mind you you'll have to be careful with Friar Tuck. I saw a small ad in the local paper it said Ugly Fat Bloke Seeks Super Model with a Sense of Humour.

This young lady goes to a Tattooists and tells him My soon to be husband is really into Tattoos and as a surprise on our wedding night I want a Tattoo to show him. Ok says the Tattooist What were you thinking of doing? I'd like you to tattoo a little Butterfly on each of my Bum Cheeks. Sorry says the Tattooist I can't Tattoo Butterflies there the worst thing to Tattoo. I can do a you a Bee I'm World Famous for me Bees. Well I really wanted Butterflies, but if you can't do them I'll have a Bee on each cheek. So she has a Bee Tattooed on each cheek of her Bum. Anyway on her Wedding Night she comes out of the bathroom, turns her back on her husband, lifts the her nightie bends over and says Well What Do You Think? Her new husband looks and says Who The Hell's BOB ?

My Mate's daughter and Son in law took him to a Garden Centre the other week he was looking around when he was approached by a youth who worked there. Can I help you Sir? Yes replied my Mate I'd like to buy a Garden. We don't sell Gardens Sir only things that go in a Garden. Oh in that case, I'd like to buy a Path said my Mate.

I guess I'll just have to Agree to Disagree with you Robbie. Maynard still could have played Macca and Cedwyn up front from the off even if Ceds had only lasted till half time. Jodi was kept very quiet today he didn't play to his usual high standard, the Colchester defender on his side didn't give him anything. Ashby-Hammond almost cost Notts a goal with his wondering out of his 18 yard box, the Colchester player almost chipped him but his shot hit the woodwork. If it was Jim's last game at Meadow Lane he certainly went out like A Warrior, if only he was 5 or so years younger. He needs to be kept at the Lane in some sort of capacity next season. Dan Crowley was outstanding again and Macca well he was just Macca, he came up with the Goal to break the Stalemate and was unlucky not to score more. Despite the recent Results there still needs to be Massive Changes at Notts in the off Season. An interesting quote from the Forest Green Owner when asked about their two successive Relegations he honestly stated Our Recruitment over the last two seasons has been Abysmal. So lets hope Montague and his team get things Right. The first couple of months next season should be enough time to tell if Stuart Maynard is the Man for the Job at Notts.

True Story Back in the 1960's there was a Cooking programme on the BBC which featured the Cook Fanny Cradock and her husband Johnny. Each week Fanny would cook something and at the end of the live TV show a chap would come on and ask views if they would like the Recipe for that weeks meal here is the address they needed to write too. One week Fanny cooked doughnuts and at the end off the show the Guy came on and said If you want your Doughnut's to be like Fanny's...... I would have liked to have seen them.

I sometimes Despair regarding Stuart Maynard he brings on Cedwyn Scott and who does he replace Macca Langstaff. Unbelievable this match could well have been the Last Time Ceds and Macca play together at the Lane. And Maynard pulls a Stunt like that in fact he could have started them both up Front instead of leaving Macca as the lone Striker. Maynard Really Does Not Have A Clue At Times. And wonders why the Fans Criticise him. The Magpies ended their season on home soil will a Win, but it was as Boring as Hell now on to Forest Green. I also thought the Ref was awful again today.

Strange as it may seem Danny Cowley might be the one to swing things Colchester's way. He has a lot more Coaching Experience than Stuart Maynard and he'll have his Team Fired up and they'll know if they Win down the Lane they'll be safe and Sutton will go down ( I still think Sutton will go down what ever tomorrows result is). Maynard is going to have to match Cowley and get the Magpies Fired up to Win their last match at Home for 2023/2024 season. Because if they don't Win, following the Stockport disaster on Tuesday an awful Lot of Notts Fans are going to carry a lot of Negative feelings into and over the off season and Stuart Maynard is going to get a Huge amount of Bad Press on Social Media Platforms.

While visiting a friend in Hospital a man in his pyjamas ran past me, followed by a Nurse carrying a large saucepan full of boiling water. When a Doctor shouted No Nurse I said prick his boil. Then there was the time I was messing about on the river on a friends narrow boat, when I heard a chap in a rowing boat screamed at his wife Martha I said grab hold of the Rowlocks. I once walked past this factory which had a big sign outside which said Murphy's Tool Works. I thought so does mine, but I don't Go around bragging about it.

I left my job at the helium gas Factory. I will not be Spoken to in that Tone. Is my wife disappointed with my body. A Small part of me says Yes. While working at Waterstones a man came in, and asked Do you have an audio book with subtitles. I thought hold on a minute that's a book. Then there was the Guy who crossed a sheep with a Kangaroo and got a Wooley jumper.

Two lawyers I know, one is Pro Bono while the other thinks he's a proper idiot. I once met the Edge at an airport and after he'd signed my autograph book and had his picture taken with me I said It was nice to meet you he replied Yeah You Too. I went to the Doctors for an examination, he told me Don't eat anything Fatty. What like Chips Bacon Crisps? No he said don't eat Anything Fatty. Did you hear about the Cow which jumped over a Barb Wire Fence? It was Udder destruction.

On the Recruitment 's team's Minus side Warner Colkett Morias Stone and Randall. Swings and Roundabouts. Stuart Maynard says he knows where the Squad needs strengthening lets hope he'll be allowed to Express his wishes and his ideas aren't brushed to one side by the Recruitment team. Also let's hope Montague and his minions don't go about signing players Willy Nilly just to increase the Notts Squad Size just for the Sheer Hell of it. Mind you I don't think that will happen because the Brothers do have a Strong Grip on the Clubs Financial Circumstances.

I can't see Maynard dropping Langstaff. All Hell would break loose if the top scorer in League 2 is missing from the Line up and he wasn't injured. It would be nice to see Macca and Cedwyn line up together one last time at the Lane. I'm sure AJ would understand (even if he's fit). Realistically it depends on which Notts Team turns up, if it's the Great we'll soon be on our summer break and we can't be bothered team then I'll think the Magpies will Struggle. If the Players come Out with the let's Put On A Show attitude as a Massive Thankyou to the Fans for their Loyalty then Notts should Batter Colchester.

Well lets see Colchester need one more Win to secure their League 2 Status. So who's going to be more Up For It, come 3'oclock Saturday? Notts 1 Colchester 2.