Tarquins Top Tips.......smuggling

[Tarkers]

It is that time again when Honest Tarkers shares his Top Tips.

When going on your hols, consider a wee bit of smuggling......no, not the naughty stuff, something off-the-radar and that is unlikely to get you locked away for a decade with Pablo the serial rapist!!

On a recent trip to Cuba, I had to take a 9 hour bus ride just to get to Mexico airport......when I got there (with barely 30 minutes to spare), Miriam my doctor girlfriend had met a couple of guys in the departure area who were plying her with free drinks and cigarettes in return for filling her luggage with contraband!!

I was obviously very concerned, but after they bought me a few beers, I was slightly more compliant!!

What did we agree to smuggle into Havana??........everyone gets as many guesses as they want.......I will be extremely surprised if you get it......I will post pictures later on of me on the plane opening the packages, then pics of me handing it out to the couriers in Havana carpark........then pics of us getting stopped by the police!!

[eighteensixtytwo]

Sunglasses? Pooches? Santa Clause Underwear? 

[DangerousSausage]

Spandex? Crack? You're not posting from a prison cell are you?

[Elite_pie]

Condoms?   (If you have any XXXL to spare I'd be grateful, they're hard to get over here.)

[Chris]

I'll have a wild guess that it's a form of meat product, perhaps sausages or similar.

[liampie]

cigarettes, cigars???  

[Tarkers]

16 hours ago, eighteensixtytwo said:

Sunglasses? Pooches? Santa Clause Underwear? 

Extremely close......have you been to Cuba via Mexico airport?.....now pick one of your 3 choices

[Tarkers]

16 hours ago, DangerousSausage said:

Spandex? Crack? You're not posting from a prison cell are you?

Not crack, and no I am not in jail.......Spandex is slightly warm......though I need you to be more specific?

[Tarkers]

13 hours ago, notts-joe said:

I'll have a wild guess that it's a form of meat product, perhaps sausages or similar.

Meat products will never get past the security dogs that walk along the luggage ramp......tut tut.....don't you now anything about smuggling?.......the youth of today!!...shocking

[Tarkers]

7 hours ago, liampie said:

cigarettes, cigars???  

......and why would I try to smuggle cigars into the home of Cuban cigars???.......are you drunk?......."Yes officer, you caught me....with a suitcase full of Woodbines"......errrrrrrr.....no.........zero points sir

[Tarkers]

13 hours ago, Elite_pie said:

Condoms?   (If you have any XXXL to spare I'd be grateful, they're hard to get over here.)

......not condoms Elite, but I like your thinking......maybe on my next trip......XXL was a bit hopeful though??

[DangerousSausage]

9 hours ago, tarquinbeech said:

Not crack, and no I am not in jail.......Spandex is slightly warm......though I need you to be more specific?

I dunno, I find Spandex a bit cold when I'm out and about.

G-strings?

[Tarkers]

4 hours ago, DangerousSausage said:

I dunno, I find Spandex a bit cold when I'm out and about.

G-strings?

Close enough, well done sir.......the story that the two guys gave us in the check-in queue in Mexico DF, was that Cuban girls are a bit "top heavy" and since the US embargo of the 60s, have trouble getting suitable attire.

Totally risk-free, if you get stopped by customs just tell them that the 50 odd "items" are for friends and family....plus it helped with Miriam being a little well-endowed also!!

The guys walked us through check-in, then off to find more willing tourists.....once through customs in Cuba, we would be met by "couriers" who would give us a free lift into Havana.....saving us about 20 CUCs.

Obviously I was a little nervous, so I checked through the packages once we got on board Cubana Air

[Tarkers]

These are our 3 "couriers" loading the items into a 1952 Chevvy.......our free ride into the city.

.......and this is the driver of  and two of the "couriers" getting pulled over on the Havana Airport slip-road....myself and Miriam stopped inside taking pictures...apparently the police were waiting to collect their share of "taxes".......how I like to live on the wild-side!!

[Chris]

On 06/01/2016 at 01:20, tarquinbeech said:

Meat products will never get past the security dogs that walk along the luggage ramp......tut tut.....don't you now anything about smuggling?.......the youth of today!!...shocking

Obviously your just not a very good smuggler! You seal them air tight and pack 'em up well.

Dogs wouldn't know what they passed by.

On 06/01/2016 at 01:23, tarquinbeech said:

......and why would I try to smuggle cigars into the home of Cuban cigars???.......are you drunk?......."Yes officer, you caught me....with a suitcase full of Woodbines"......errrrrrrr.....no.........zero points sir

I actually thought Liam may have been onto something, I thought even I recalled reading that foreign exports wasn't permitted - in an effort to keep their product selling to locals because other brands are considerably cheaper.

Outside the box is something positive thinking.

[Tarkers]

5 hours ago, notts-joe said:

Obviously your just not a very good smuggler! You seal them air tight and pack 'em up well.

Dogs wouldn't know what they passed by.

I actually thought Liam may have been onto something, I thought even I recalled reading that foreign exports wasn't permitted - in an effort to keep their product selling to locals because other brands are considerably cheaper.

Outside the box is something positive thinking.

I happen to have personal experience of sniffer dogs and a tasty piece of sausage!!

Returning on a flight from San Jose, Costa Rica back into Mexico, DF, we were all waiting for our luggage when the luggage turn-table stopped, for what seemed like ages.

Obviously we were all wondering what was going on, mutterings turned to debate....to complaints....then, armed guards came through a side-door carrying Miriam's luggage.

The sniffer dog was literally bouncing off the ceiling!!

She had hidden the last of a rather tasty Chorizo in her bag, the remnants of our last meal in San Jose......no idea why, women can be such sentimental creatures!!

After being made to stand in the naughty corner for 20 minutes, watched by 100 other passengers.....we were given a stern lecture by the local Gestapo.

Soooooooooooo.....thinking "out of the box".......next time, Salami in one bag (sniffer dog has another seizure)......4,000 contraband CDs of Notts v Brighton, Wembley Final in the other case......they will be so busy peeling Fido off the ceiling and pinning Miriam to the floor that I will be home-free with my latest business venture!!

Smart thinking Tarkers!

 

[Piethagoram]

Reminders of a trip to Cuba...Whilst we were walking in Havana, a digital camera was snatched. I gave chase as I knew how much the holiday photos meant to her. The police eventually arrived as I tracked the thieves into a soviet style housing estate in Havana. In giving statements at the Police, one asked what fate awaits for the thieves. The reply was minimum 12 years, maximum 22 years. Tough justice but the reality is Cuba relies on its tourist income.