Wheelbarrow repair man

So I've got this Brand New Ducatti 916 Motorbike, Beautiful Machine in Red. And the wife asks Can I take her Mother for spin on it? Yes I suppose. So the Mother-in-Law sits on the Pillion . Then it Starts GBH on the Ear hole. You're going to fast slow down, mind that parked car watch out for those pedestrians On On she goes. I pulled up at some traffic lights, they turn to Green and off I go. Half a Mile further on I get pulled over by the Law. The Copper gets out of his Car and I remove my Helmet. Are you aware Sir, Your Passenger fell off at the last set of Traffic Lights? Thank Heavens I replied I thought I'd Gone Deaf.

A ticket costing £5 to stand and a tenner to sit down during the Euro's ? No Thanks. Then the cost of a drink and something to eat, that's not going to make it a cheap Afternoon/ Night out for a Family. Plus a Fiver if you want to park your car. Go down to the Local and watch England games for nothing. Or watch it at home get a some bottles in a few nibble have your mates round and watch the Matches on your own Flat Screen Plasma TV.. Is this how much it will cost to get into the Nest on Match Day a Fiver a Time? Everything as got to be paid for by Card. Going Cashless? Nah Not For Me Thanks.

Anybody on PON Superstitious? Because looking at the Nest Logo there's only One Magpie. And as the Rhyme goes ONE FOR SORROW. Lets Hope Another Magpie is Added. TWO FOR JOY.

I've read about the Red Dogs wanting to move to Toton. Don't think it will happen it would cost far to much. Having to build the Stadium plus Parking and laying down access roads etc, it's already been rumoured it would cost between 5-8 Billion Pounds. On top of this there's a Local School Academy nearby plus the Tram Stop. The continual Construction noise and pollution and the arrival and Departure of Construction Traffic will certainly make Locals lives a Misery. Then there's the Historical Point that being the closeness of Meadow Lane and the City Ground, the nearest two stadiums in England. And wasn't the Forest Owner going to extend the City Ground at one stage, did that happen?

A Chap was pulled over by the Police and was asked, Have you be drinking Sir? Yes Officer. 9 Pints of Lager, 2 Double Whiskies and a Drambuie Would mind blowing into this Bag. Why? Don't You Believe Me?

A Mate of mine was pulled over for speeding. The Copper asked, Why were you going so fast? Two years ago my Wife ran away with a Policeman, I thought you were Bring Her Back.

I had to get Towed home last night Because Mole and Ratty were to Drunk. My Mate and his wife have called their fourth child Ivy. Because they couldn't agree on a name so used Roman Numerals instead. Old fashion Girls names Like Rose Elsie and Lilly are are making a comeback And my Mates daughter and her husband wanted to give their little girl a name like that But they couldn't decide which, so in the end they called her Nan. Saying she'll grow into it.

You know Every Year I try and find something different to give the Wife on Special Occasions, Such has her Birthday Wedding Anniversary or Christmas. I Remember Last Christmas. I Bought her An Artificial Leg, As a Stocking Filler.

This just in from from Hollywood. A Brand New All Action Movie about Classical Music Composes is due to start Film in the Late Summer. Starring Sylvester Stallone Dolph Lundgren Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger. We now go over to see which Composer the Stars will be. Who will you be Sly? I'll be Beethoven What about you Dolph? I'll be Mozart. And you Chuck? I'll be Straus And Finally Arnie Who will you be? I'll be Bach.

Hey @Robbie have you seen the Lee Evans skit on the Scoring in Tennis on You Tube? It's very Funny and well worth a Watch.

On a visit to the Doctor's I was informed don't eat anything Fatty. What like Chips Pies Crips ? I asked No said the Doc .Don't eat anything Fatty!! My Mate thinks he's a Chocolate Orange. I'm worried he might be sectioned. Poor Terry. I remember one time before me and the wife were married we were snogging on the Settee and she looked at me and said Do you want to take this into the Bedroom. I said Ok you grab the other end. A Mate of mine lost his job as a Zoo Keeper. Which he thought was very unfair. Throughout the Zoo there were signs everywhere saying Do Not Feed The Animals. So He Didn't.

I bought a Chameleon Lost it. I once took a dehumidifier in to a Sauna, just to see which one would win. I pulled up in a layby and there was a sign which said No Dumping. I was Ok I only wanted a wee. I thought P.P.I was something you got if you didn't wear goggles, at the Swimming Baths.

@Robbie Speaking of Yo Yo Clubs. I think one of the other N.C.F.C teams have benefitted most out of said payments that Being Norwich City.

@Robbie Like you say NO Backbone (well all except Wolves) makes you Wonder What Sort Of Hold The Premier League Has Over It's Members? Even the Red Dogs across the Trent have caved in and are Towing the PL Line. Daft is it Not?

I think the Reason for Var is, the Premier League and F.A. want a Prem Game to last as long as American Football matches ( they can take up to four hours) Let's hope that if somebody at the F.A comes up with the idea of Having VAR through out all Leagues. If it's ever proposed, the EFL should Dismiss it instantly.

You know as you Travel around don't see some strange signs like All Day Breakfast. I thought I haven't got time for that. Family Fun Day. Now there's three words that don't belong together. Then there was the time my watch stopped during a minute's silence I was stood there for hours. I couldn't tell anybody. Imagine coming Last in a Race For Life.

So I'm at the Doctor's and I get called in to her surgery. Hello what seems to be the trouble ? she asks. Morning Doctor. I've got this Discharge. Alright drop your Pants and Boxers and I'll have a Look So the Doctor looks and starts handling the Old Family Jewels. and things start to , well you know respond. Thankfully she stops and things start to settle down. Alright she says you can pull your Boxers and Pants back up. Now how was that? Very Nice I replied. Now this Discharge It's coming out of my Left Ear Doc.

Beam Me Up @Scotty. Sorry couldn't resist. A very warm Welcome to you. You will find serious well informed and Daft Notts Fans on this site. Enjoy PON it's Grrreat. OOps there I go again

I remember back when I was at school, our Drama Group did our version of Treasure Island. There was me and another kid Malcom up for the part of Long John Silver. Thankfully Malc got the part. First day of rehearsal I noticed he wasn't there. So I said to the Drama Teacher Sir, where's Malcom? Oh he's in Hospital, having his left leg Amputated.

When I was younger my Mum used to say There's always one weirdo on every bus But I could never find him. If the Actress Whoopi Goldberg married Master of Horror Peter Cushing. She be known as Whoopi Cushing. And if Claudia Schiffer married Brains from Thunderbirds. She be known as Claudia Schiffer Brains. Do you remember that Fox puppet on the tele Basil Brush. Did you know he had a German cousin Herr Brush ?

His stats look pretty decent and he could link up well with Matt Platt making a tough looking Defence for Notts. That is of course if the Recruitment team can convince him to come to the Lane. I wonder what his Leadership qualities are?

Once again things in the Premier League just get Dafter. Manchester United are going to offer 19 year old Kobbie Mainoo a new contract, which will quadruple his current weekly wage. This Obscene amount of money proves how much the Prem is out of Touch with the Real Footballing World. Can you Imagine the Amount of Pressure that's going to be placed on this Young Man's shoulders? He's going to have to perform at the top of his game, each and every game and the Media are going to have a field day, if he doesn't . Because one thing the Main Stream Media like other than building up a Player is Knocking him back down again. Let's hope there's someone's around to keep his feet firmly on the ground, because all that money is going to have one hell of an impact on his young life. Having so much cash and not knowing what to do with it all, is a certain way to lead him down the wrong path. And you'd think by now United would have some idea about giving a youngster that much money, how it can very easily ruin the Kids Life. Just remember a certain George Best. Good Luck Kobbie You're Gonna Need It.

If you have children I bet this question as come up. My son came home from school and asked Dad where do I come from? Er well um and you go through THE TALK and explain everything and say Do you understand all that I've told you? And with a Puzzled look on his face he said Yes I think so. Only there's a New Boy in our class who comes from Cornwall and I just wondered where I came from.

I remember the time my Dad had a large throbbing boil on the end of his nose. Poor guy couldn't sleep because of the pain. Mum couldn't sleep because she was laughing. Anyway in the end Mum called the Doctor in. The Doctor arrived and took one look at Dad and from his Doctor's bag, produced a needle, a Great Big Steel Needle. He ushered all the family out of the Bedroom and we all stood on the landing Listening. You could hear poor old Dad hollering and screaming in pain, for a good ten minutes finally everything went quiet. We all waited then the Doctor came out of the Bedroom. How is he Doctor? asked Mum His nose looks a lot better now replied the Doc I've sown a Button on it.

While out Paint balling, I started to move from my position, my mate called out Duvet Duvet What? I asked. I think he means Duck Down said my other Mate. The wife and me were watching that Dutch Detective series on Tele the other night. Van Der Valk? asked my Mate Nah. Clever Clogs. So I went into the local D.I.Y Shop and bought a big hinge. I took it to the checkout and the women asked Do you want a Screw for that? Lady I said I'm a Married Man.