Wheelbarrow repair man

I bought the wife a see through nighty I said go into the bedroom and shout me when you're ready. I'm ready she shouts a minute or so later I flew up the stairs she was laying on the bed wearing the nighty and I could see everything, her navy blue jumper and jogging bottoms. The wife's been on a diet this past month and the only thing she's lost is her temper. I've tried Cage Fighting, I'll tell you what some of them Budgies can be right nasty little beggars. Two starving cowboys were riding across death valley, when suddenly one shouts out Hey look a Bacon Tree and he gallops off. No his friend shouts come back it's not a Bacon Tree. An hour later the first cowboy comes back, shot full of arrows. You were right it wasn't a Bacon Tree it was an Ambush.

There was this Nun and a Monk going round the local Pubs collecting for charity. Anyway in one Pub there was a Darts match being played and the Monk became really interested in watching the games and at the end of the match he asked one of the players if he could have a go. Sure says the player handing his Darts to the Monk. First Dart treble twenty, Second Dart single twenty, the third Dart hits the wire on the Dart board it bounces over the Monks head and hits the Nun in the throat and kills her. The Scorer shouts out One Nun Dead and Eighty. Two Nuns in a camper van travelling across Transylvania when suddenly Dracula jumps onto the front bumper and try's to open the door, Quick Sister shouts the Nun driving Show him your Cross. Hey you lousy blood sucking Git get off our Camper Van. Two Nuns in a bath one says where's the soap? The other replies Yes it does, doesn't it. Chap just about to go into his local when suddenly out of no where appears a Nun, she points at the Man and says Before you go into this dell of Evil, think of what the Alcohol will do to your brain. Hold on says the Bloke have you ever had a drink? Certainly Not answers the Nun. Then how do you know what the Alcohol will do to the brain, if you've never had a drink. I'll tell you what I'll buy you a drink and if you don't like it, then you can go preaching on about it. Alright agreed the Nun. Right I'll buy you a glass of gin says the Chap. No don't bring it out in a glass, bring it out in a teacup then nobody will know I'm drinking alcohol. So the bloke goes to the bar and orders a pint for himself and a shot of gin, but could he have the gin in a teacup. The bar man looks at him and says Is that bloody Nun out side there again?

POLICE REPORT The man who steals T shirts in size order is still at Large. Me and a couple of Mates were sat having a quite drink when this chap walks in with a Cocker Spaniel on a lead. I'm sorry sir said the Bar Man No Dogs Allowed. But it's my Guide Dog replies the chap. I don't think so sir, Guide Dogs are usually Labradors or Golden Retrievers. Aw what the hell have the given me then? Right then What's a Shih Tzu? A Zoo without any Animals The wife's Grandad is a105 and we all call him Spider Man, not that he goes around web slinging or fighting Crime, it's just he can't get out of the Bath.

I remember when I was first old enough to drink, i was in a Pub with my mate Big Rog, when suddenly this bloke bursts in carrying a Sawn off Shot Gun. I'm going to shoot the bloke who's had sex with my wife. A voice from the back said I don't think you've got enough bullets Steve. A chap go's home and says to his wife I was talking to the Postman today and he reckons he's made Love to every woman one this Street bar one. I bet it's that miserable cow next door but one replies his wife. I once asked an Old Girlfriend if she smoked after sex. She answered I dunno I've never looked. I'm a bit worried about my mate Trev. He's 56 and I think he's having a mid life crisis he's dyed his hair he's down the gym three or four times a week and he goes jogging. I think he's trying to recapture his youth. Anyway the other Thursday he was in the Butcher's collecting his weekly portion of Red Meat and he says to the girl behind the counter, how old do you think I am . Mid forties said the girl. I'm 56 I look after myself. Trev's standing at the bus stop when a little old lady approaches him. I don't know who you are but I must tell somebody I'm 75 today and when I get back to the sheltered housing where I live they're having a party for me. Very nice says Trev, Happy Birthday. I bet you can't tell how old I am. Well says the old girl if you let me put my hand down your jogging bottoms I tell you to the exact year. Trev agrees and she's fiddling down there for a good five minutes, takes her hand out and says Your 56. That's amazing said Trev how did you know? Oh I was stood behind you in the butchers.

If anyone on here hasn't watched Sam Slocombe's interview on You tube, before today's game I suggest you go and watch it and all the Nay sayers should also go and watch it. This Guy as a eloquent and professional attitude regarding the club his fellow players and knows what is expected of himself and his team mates regarding the Fans expectations. He is also very humble stating his Man of the Match performance at Crawley was what he's paid for. Bravo Sam Bravo. Once again another individual error cost Notts again today how many times as that happened this season? And the Magpies had two goalkeepers on the Bench, which shows how thin the Notts Squad is. So if it's Not the time to Blood the youngsters Now I don't know when it will be. Notts have nothing to lose just throw caution to the wind and Go For It. Jatta as shown what he is capable of with a Goal and an assist more of that please. The Magpies need to get Macca back into his scoring groove. It appears Jodi wasn't very happy being substituted as he disappeared straight down the tunnel I know players want to play the full 90+ minutes, but this sort of attitude only fires up some Fans even more against the Head Coach. At this present moment in time all the Players and the Staff need to show a United Front, and Personal Feeling Need To Be Put To One Side.

Then there was the chap who invented Cats eyes, for the middle of the road. He said he got the idea when his Car headlight reflected in the eyes of a Cat as it walked towards him. If the Cat had been walking away from him, he'd have invented the Pencil Sharpener. I bought this new roll on deodorant I looked at the instructions. It said remove top and push up bottom. I only wanted it for under my arms. My mate Dave is a massive fan of Steam Trains and when the Orient Express came to Nottingham but he said it was Murder getting tickets. Anyway once he'd finished taking photo's of the Engine and carriages, he was about to leave the station when he heard piano music. So he went to investigate and there on a platform a chap was playing a piano. Once the guy had finished Dave said he had a tinkle on it and saved himself 20 pence. This chap went to an Acupuncturist looking for a cure. What's your problem ? He was asked. He replied Pins and Needles in my shoulder.

My Mate and his wife were waiting to fly off on their holidays when they were approached by a Stewardess. Are you flying out to Benidorm today? Yes we are replied my Mate. Well I'm afraid there's a four hour delay. Oh why? The Pilot heard a noise in one of the engines and It will take us four hours to find a Pilot who can't hear it. My uncle Danny had five sons, a single birth and two sets of twins, and they all grew up to be Police Marks men. That's because uncle Danny was a bank robber. Uncle Danny died recently, surrounded by his family. I lost my hair when I was sixteen. What a game cards that was. My mate Dave went to the barbers and asked for some highlights the barber gave him a video of Old Haircuts.

What is the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison? You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo. I went into a Bakery and asked. Is that a Cake or a Meringue? The Assistant said No your not wrong it is a Cake. I had a dream the other night, I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper. Dicing with Death

Lets be Honest we can all sit at our keyboards and debate about what's gone wrong at Notts, and how we think it should be put right, but in the end it's down to the Club's owners their decision is what counts in the end. That's why I don't think they'll get rid of Stuart Maynard (yet) because it's been clear that he was the man the Brothers wanted to take over from Luke Williams, and to replace him would be an admission they got it wrong, and it's Human Nature nobody likes to admit their wrong. I would hope that the Owners and Recruitment Team are even now working on which players need to be released from their contracts, ( my thoughts on this I've expressed in another comment section on the PON site) and who should remain at the Lane for next season. And once this season is finished Stuart Maynard ( or who ever is in the Dug Out) will also have a say in which players he wants playing in the Black & White Stripes next season. Other than the coaching staff being looked into it would appear the Recruitment team also needs a shake up and a new head honcho be brought in, because for how many seasons have the Notts defence been a major Bug Bear with the Fans? We can see it so why can't the Recruitment team see it? But then again we can only express our opinions, the Be All and End All lies with the the Owners and So Far the Brothers haven't let the Fans down, they may have made some decisions we fans have found odd but everything has come good and I for one have faith in what they do and what ever needs doing at Notts to put things right they will do it.

A Big Shout Out to 18n year old Oliver Bearman who made his F1 Debut for Ferrari, the youngest ever Brit to drive in Formula One he finished 7th two places in front of 7 times World Champion Lewis Hamilton . British World Champion of the Future?

How about the wife and husband team of retired acrobats they've invented two new condiments Winter Pepper and Summer Salt. I see Marie Osmond is about to star in the worse film ever. Warner Brothers? They already know. My wife as an uncle with one leg called Eric, I don't know what he called his other leg. Did you read about the fella who confessed to murder on his Death Bed then got better? Then there was that bloke who bought some After Eight Mints, but died at half past seven.

When you were a kid did you ever have a Saturday job? I did I worked for a local photographer I didn't take any pictures just kept the studio clean and tidy ran errands and helped in the Dark room. Then made sure all customers were comfortable before they had their photo taken. Anyway one Saturday morning two Old Dears came in, I got them settled and the photographer started to go through his routine. What's he doing Mavis? asked one Old girl. He's getting his equipment ready answered her friend. What's he doing now Mavis? He's checking the light's right with his light meter. The photographer stood behind his camera and began to twiddle with the lens. What's he doing now Mavis? He's going to Focus, What both of us?

Did you hear about the Gynecologist who painted his front hall way through his letter box? What three words don't you want to hear when you make Love? Darling I'm home. A mate of mine who's not the sharpest knife in the drawer was asked to name two days of the week that began with the letter T. He replied Today and Tomorrow. My mate Dave loves doing crosswords, I was watching him one time and said that's wrong, 6 across four letters often found in the bottom of Bird Cages. The correct answer is Grit.

Ohh Tommy Johnson, I have myself on several occasions stated in the comments sections that Notts need a True Leader on the Pitch, personally I believe Notts haven't had a true Leader since Michael Doyle. Now let s go into the realms of Fantasy, How about the Recruitment team approaching Kasper Schmichael and asking him to do a Didzy and come back to the Lane to finish his career and not be about money? If this happened not only would the Magpies have a first class keeper, but also a Born Leader on the Pitch. And imagine the influence Kasper would have on a young guy like Tiernan Brookes. And if the Brothers are determined to have Stuart Maynard in the Dug Out then a Director of Football namely Neil Warnock should be bought in. Warnock's vast footballing Knowledge and Experience can be Nothing but a huge plus at the Lane and it would seem his departure from Aberdeen is a sign to get the man back to Notts. After the end of last season before new contracts were given out, each Notts player should have been checked and looked at in great detail to see if they were of League 2 standard. The Brothers after all would have Full Data on each individual and those who didn't reach the standard should have be told, Thankyou for your efforts but your time at Meadow Lane is now finished. I have stated in an earlier comment the players I think should be kept at Notts and those I believe should be let go, if this had been done after the Wembley Victory the Magpies may Not have been in the position they now find themselves in.

The were ten new members of the Para troop regiment going on their first ever jump. The jump instructor a Sargent is giving them their final instructions. Right men pay attention . This when this red light turns to green, it means we're over the Drop Zone I'll each of you on the shoulder that's when you jump out of the Aircraft, you then count to 3 and pull the Rip Cord should your chute Not Open wait another 3 seconds and pull the Rip Cord of your emergency chute. What happens if that chute doesn't open Sarge ? asks a voice. That's easy Son you just shout Geronimo. All of the jumpers depart the plane and the Sargent sits down for a smoke. Suddenly there's a knocking from outside the Aircrafts door . The Sargent opens the door and there's a bloke frantically flapping his arms, he looks at the Sargent and says What's the name of that Red Indian again Sarge?

It all boils down to the Premier League and their Greed. If they allowed money to trickle down the football pyramid to teams in the Lower levels it could help some clubs to remain solvent. The FA or the EFL or indeed any Footballing authority need to scrutinize any new club owner carefully and make sure they have the cash to keep the club their buying viable for at least three to five years, (I'll admit I don't know what it currently is) but a decent size money contribution from the Premier League would help struggling clubs. Maybe if the Government do appoint an individual person to make sure money does flow downwards from the Top Teams wont be a bad thing. Because I'm sure the amount of one of the player Top Earners weekly/ monthly wage being donated would pay off a lower clubs debt. I also Can Not Understand the reason for the points deduction, the club (in this case Torquay) are already struggling with administration why inflict more misery, by giving them a Ten Point Deduction? It seems Crazy to me.

You know as you look back to the times when you were younger, you notice how things have changed how you have changed. I was looking through an old photo Album the other day, and I noticed how slim and fit I looked. In fact when I was younger I used to do an exercise routine naked. Well that was until the wife said Come away from those French windows if anyone sees you they'll think I only married you for your money.

A bloke walked into a Police station and said I think my wife maybe dead. Maybe dead Sir, how do you mean maybe dead? asks the copper. The bloke replies well the sex is the same but the washing is piling up. Christmas Day 2063 the family are all sat round after a big lunch, when one of the Grand kids says Hey Grandad sing us a song from the Old Days. So Grandad stands up and says well here's a song that is very dear to me and your Nan. It's called Slap your ***** up. A bloke's walking down the street when a crowd of people come rushing past him. He grabs one chap by the arm and asks What's happening? A tiger's escaped from the Zoo. Which way is it going? Well you don't think we're running towards it do you? I was at the bar in my local the other night, when this rather good looking young lady comes and stands next to me, and she was wearing the tightest pair of black leather pants I've ever seen in my life. I said to her how on earth do you get into those pants? Well she replied you start off by buying me a drink.

Me and a couple of mates were on our Locals Jolly Boys Outing in Scarborough, My mate Dave says I fancy an ice cream so we went along the sea front to an ice cream kiosk . Three 99's please Dave ordered. Hundreds and thousands? asked the ice cream seller. No just three 99's Thankyou. As we walked along the prom my other mate Phil asked Did you hear about the Ice Cream man found dead in his van? He was covered in syrup hundreds and thousands crushed nuts and broken chocolate flakes. Police reckoned he'd topped himself.

First of all I would like to Apologise to all the Fans on this site. It appears that the current problems at the Lane are my Fault in that I have failed in my job. Therefore I intend to put things Right. One Wheelbarrow, one Spindle one Wheel two Nuts two Washers a Hammer and a Spanner. Take said wheelbarrow with Hammer tap spindle through hole in Wheelbarrow's left front fork. Place Wheel on Spindle , tap Spindle through hole in right Wheelbarrow fork. Place Washer on each end of Spindle, then place Nuts on each end of Spindle. Tighten Nuts with Spanner. Wheelbarrow no longer broken, I've done my job so Notts should win on Saturday!! Ah if only it was that Simple. A Little Bit of Light heartedness during this tough time for the Magpies.

A well written piece and a interesting read, there are things that I fully agree with, such has when handing out the contracts, they were given on the back of the playoff success without it appears players not being scrutinized to see if they were up to League 2 level, a case of the Heart ruling the Head. And I know I keep banging on about it but Williams had superb man management skills and could more or less get a top performance out of mediocre players, and it certainly seems Maynard can't and of course the Rumour Mill is running at Full Speed. It seems Maynard as fallen out with both John Bostock and David McGoldrick and the Brothers are looking to sell the Club because it's in to much debt. This despite the Notts CEO saying at the end of December (I believe it was) that Notts have no need to sell any players in the January Transfer Window and the club had finances to cover playing in League 1 and competing on a financial level with teams in the Lower part of the Championship. If that's True (and why wouldn't it be?) Notts seem to be Ok from a money point of view. I also think that like it was stated in the above article that Notts like Stockport need to be Brutal in the off season. In My Opinion (and this is just my opinion) Macca, Jodi Jones Dan Crowley Matt Palmer Scott Robertson Sam Austin Lewis Macari David McGoldrick Cedwyn Scott Geraldo Bajrami and Aden Baldwin should be retained. There is of course a question mark against Alassana Jatta because we've not seen a lot of him playing wise. Jim O'Brien should offered a coaching role with the club. Luther Munakandra Tiernan Brookes and James Sanderson should be promoted to the first team squad. Th remainder should be let go, this of course doesn't refer to the youth team just the senior squad. A New Man in the Dug Out? We'll have to wait and see.

Robbie Yes they are just rumours but as the saying goes there's No Smoke without Fire. Luke Williams departure started as a rumour and there have been rumours over the years that have turned out to be true, so we'll have to wait and see what happens. Having attacking players such as Jodi and Macca defending is wrong they shouldn't have to defend that's what the defence is for and hand on heart, there are players at Notts who are Not League 2 standard. Yes getting rid of Stuart Maynard will cost the club, but only in the short term, because if Fans start deserting in their thousands then that could cost the Club in the long term and we certainly don't want a repeat of the Hardy era. Like it or not there are a lot of fair weather fans that have jumped on the Notts success band wagon and now the Magpies are not winning matches they will start to trickle away and unless things are sorted and quickly that trickle could turn into a flood. I don't like sounding all Doom and Gloom but this is how I see things at the Lane at the moment.

The longer Notts go on with out a result the more pressure Maynard is going to come under in fact he must be under huge pressure now, and this can't be helping him to do his job right. Why did he take off Jodi Jones and Dan Crowley last night? Why does he persist in playing Macca on his own up front? Eventually even his supporters are going to run out of excuses for him. Rumours are already starting to fly, he's lost the dressing room players are falling out with each other and have fallen out with him. If this is the case then the Owners Not the CEO need to sort this out because the only thing that will happen is Chaos, and it will end up destroying the atmosphere and well being within the Club and this will be reflected on the pitch, well it's being reflected there already. I wonder if we'll see Jim O'Brien back in the Dug Out before the season's end?

I remember the time I took the wife to Blackpool I hired one of those horse and carriages. We set off along the seas front a blanket across our knees, the wife had her head on my shoulder and we were enjoying going through the lights along the Golden Mile, when suddenly the horse Farts oh a real rip snorter it was really embarrassing. I said I 'm sorry about that, with out missing a beat the wife says Oh I thought it was the Horse.

Jodi Jones as been outstanding for Notts this season. Only hope the Magpies can hold onto him during the summer.