Tarkers End of School Report Card

[Tarkers]

Well almost.....

@notts-joe asked me to write a piece for PON this week....this was my initial reply:

"I am not sure there is anything left to write about?

The season is a wash-out, will we finish 21st, 22nd or even get relegated?

The new manager has suddenly realised that the team is worse than he thought....and his points "target" is unachievable.

How do I make this fiasco even remotely sexy?

I need to drink 10 pints just to get through a matchday.............help!!!"

Then after another litre of Adam's Ale....I thought "what the hell".....so here goes.

Now, I am not normally a negative kind of guy.....after 4 failed marriages and 8 kids, you could say I am the eternal optimist, surely I can make it work next time!

I said in my last "piece"  that Notts season was turning into a "wet weekend in Skeggy", you know you should be excited because it is a holiday after all, but honestly you wished you had stopped in Bulwell and saved your dosh!

Well since I wrote that piece, Notts season has suddenly turned into an all-expenses-paid trip to Aleppo, Syria.....with a connecting stop in a Belgium Airport!!

Ok Tarkers, FFS say something positive, you are starting to depress people.

Mmmmmm........George Formby got the sack, .......it was a pity it wasn't 68 days sooner.

By the way, what is it with Raymundo?.....if I had £7 million on a horse running at Cheltenham, I think I would at least choose a decent jockey to ride it, not a random passer-by that happened to say........ "Nice horse Ray, can I have a ride.....where do I shove the 50p?"

Ask @Elite_pie....if it's a 150 to 1 outsider, then there is a pretty good reason, either it's got a leg missing....or else the fastest it has ever moved....was escaping from the glue factory!!

Finally Ray realised the error of his ways and sent JF packing, and hired the guy that he should have hired in the first place....and, I know it's not popular to state this...but if the deal falls through with my Uncle Griegor and the Albanian squillionaires, I hope he and @erindoors stop at Notts and have some success.

So now we have MC, the son of the great Leeds player, Terry Cooper.....how I wish he was playing for Notts right now.

Terry was part of the Revie Leeds team that didn't just "bite your legs", they ate you raw.....and spat out the soggy bits!

Talking of soggy, that is the team that Mark has inherited....a team that Moniz had scoring goals for fun....and that JF forbade from crossing the halfway line!....no wonder they are confused.

When MC got his 10 point target I bet he thought "doddle"....now it seems about 6 points too much!

What is left for the season and why should anyone part with their measly £24?

The good news is.....we ain't getting relegated. York and Daggers are so dire....that if they played each other....they would both get zero points, honestly.

So everyone should turn up to ML today, knowing full well that you can have fun without fear of another re-enactment of the "Great Escape"......no more "keyboard warriors" or spotty youths kicking off in the carpark....have a laugh, chat to your mates (if you have any), get drunk as skunk like Tarkers....enjoy yourselves.

If you don't want to attend the game......pretend you are Rip Van Winkle, waking up after a full year of somnambulism......"what happened with Notts, Tarkers?"

"Not a lot Mr Winkle.....go back to sleep!!"

Now I am off to drink my 10 pints of Mexican beer....my new strategy is to start drinking the night before....it makes the pain of the 8am kick-off Mexican time a lot more bearable....sometimes I pretend that we have won for a change!!

[Who r ya?? You Pies!!]

That's priceless hahaha what a brilliant read , do more Tarkers , than was a great laugh 

[Tarkers]

6 minutes ago, Who r ya?? You Pies!! said:

That's priceless hahaha what a brilliant read , do more Tarkers , than was a great laugh 

Thank you kind sir....I was actually pretty drunk at the time I penned my literary musings.....and my worry is that in the morning, it will look like the insane ramblings of Rasputin...or a passage from the Meditations on Moloch:

What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains and imagination?

Moloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unobtainable dollars! Children screaming under the stairways! Boys sobbing in armies! Old men weeping in the parks!

Moloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the loveless! Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy judger of men!

Moloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the crossbone soulless jailhouse and Congress of sorrows! Moloch whose buildings are judgment! Moloch the vast stone of war! Moloch the stunned governments!

Now if I wrote that kind of stuff, then I would very probably be about as barmy as Jack, in "The Shining"

The good news is that when writing about Notts....there is just so much comedy material to work with, that I don't have to work too hard to make up a decent story!

 

[super_ram]

Good stuff that Mexican beer @tarquinbeech Keep up the good work.

[Chris]

Haha!! Cheers for the start, I am proud I got a mention.

I haven't yet responded to the PM because it's been all systems go so far and I've only just got back, which is quite early for me actually. @Piethagoram came to say hello today, it was a nice surprise.

[liampie]

tarkers for member of the year! 

[Tarkers]

9 hours ago, liampie said:

tarkers for member of the year! 

This year....or next year?

The amount of beer I'm drinking, I will be lucky to see Notts ever win another game (under JF, my life insurance was void)...my teeth are under water most of the day!!

Sympathy votes are welcome on the Petition Page C/O VoteHereIfTarkersIsaSadSack.com