PON takeover of Notts

[DangerousSausage]

With the news of Ray Trew's "optimistic" valuation of 10 million pounds might scupper a potential takeover, it's time for us fans to step into the breach. The users of this board have many talents that can really bring the club forwards.

First, though, we have to find the money. That's easy enough, @notts-joe can empty the donation fund, I'll empty my tin of loose change that's been filling up for years and we'll just do a whiparound for the remaining 9,999,960 quid. Piece of cake.

So now that the takeover is a mere formality, we have some posts to fill. First of all I'd put @tarquinbeech in charge of catering on the condition that he supplies us with opossum pies. No other league club offers these, and the main point of football is pies after all. I also have an inkling that @Modern Fan 1862 ???? will be interested in the manager's job. What other jobs would people like?

[Fozzy]

I'll nominate @Piethagoram as Director of Football. He seems to know a bit about the game, is experienced and will keep that young scamp @Modern Fan 1862 ???? in check!

[DangerousSausage]

Good idea, he'd definitely have all the angles covered.

[Tarkers]

"Opossum pies coming up sir".............from the former MLSB, now aptly re-named Tarquins Chuckle Hut.

Our Mission Statement is to supply locally-sourced roadkill (minus the bicycles), cooked al fresco and served to you with a smile.

 

 

[ivansneck]

Gizza Job

[Tarkers]

2 minutes ago, ivansneck said:

Gizza Job

Just make an application TarkersDodgyEnterprises.Com........ no experience necessary....Powerpoint presentations will almost certainly get you gainful employment!!

[Piethagoram 𝕏 @piethagoram]

@Fozzy. Very pleased to accept the nomination as DoF.  My first duty is the directive to install Stanley as the first name on the team sheet.

I will raise the 10,000,000 too, Ray, assuming the price is in Zimbabwean Dollars  . 

@tarquinbeech The Lawton Bar renamed Taco Tarqs...

[DangerousSausage]

Since Tarkers got involved in the club we have introduced a new payroll system involving brown envelopes and fifty pound notes. Fancy becoming Head of Brown Envelopes?

As for myself, as this was my idea I have taken the position of real power at the club, which is that of club mascot (there has been a vacancy ever since the unfortunate incident involving Mr and Mrs Magpie, a late opossum delivery and a barbecue).

[ivansneck]

@Blackville has about £200 in his bank account which I can transfer over to you. He might want a place in the squad though.

[ivansneck]

I was offered payment by brown envelope by Blackpool FC in the 1980's for doing a bit of scouting (I'd just been sacked by Bury!). I said no. Once a crooked club always a crooked club. However, one of Tarker's brown envelopoes would be fine.

[Tarkers]

Every 3rd turnstile will be cash-only (wink wink) for "discerning Notts supporters" and will offer discounts negotiated ad-hoc........official attendances will plummet to 1,850...but the ground will look surprisingly full.

All cash collected from this new turnstile system will be funneled into the new Notts Youth Academy, conveniently located in the Turks and Caicos Islands.

[Tarkers]

1 minute ago, tarquinbeech said:

Every 3rd turnstile will be cash-only (wink wink) for "discerning Notts supporters" and will offer discounts negotiated ad-hoc........official attendances will plummet to 1,850...but the ground will look surprisingly full.

All cash collected from this new turnstile system will be funneled into the new Notts Youth Academy, conveniently located in the Turks and Caicos Islands.

I would like to nominate myself as new head of Notts Youth Academy?

[Tarkers]

@Elite_pie can be in charge of gambling.......yes a new Notts post, where strange amounts of money are placed with bookmakers whenever Notts play relative footballing minnows....like Salford!!

[Tarkers]

@Super_Danny_Allsopp can be in charge of PR?

[ivansneck]

@Notts-Joe has to do the website!!

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[Dripsey3]

I'll look after the ladies team. Send them back to Lincoln where they belong! Controversial.....

[Tarkers]

I have a new idea for half-time entertainment.

Clapometers are installed in the Kop, and at half-time, instead of running off down the tunnel for a rub-down with baby oil from our new female masseuses, Notts line up in front of said Kop.

Each player steps forward, including JF, one at a time.....and the score registered on the Clapometer.

Anyone not registering a 6....gets to stand on the goal line.......while the new mascot kicks footballs at them from 5 yards away.

This entertainment is sure to add an extra 2,000 on the gate (strictly "cash" customers obviously)......and will defuse tendencies to riot against the new PON board.

After the game, post-match entertainment will be provided in Tarquins Chuckle Hut by the newly-retired Sticky Vicky Layton from Benidorm (YouTube it yourself, I don't want a yellow!) who has recently returned to "action" following a successful hip operation!

For anyone frantically goggling Sticky Vicky.....I have figured out where she hides the "objects"....it adds a whole new meaning to "Oy, Wizard...it's up your sleeve"......or......"Oy, it's up your Wizard's sleeve?"

[ivansneck]

What about Sepp Blatter for the turnstile operator on the cash only turnstiles

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[ivansneck]

Or the old Fifa Board

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[Piethagoram 𝕏 @piethagoram]

But @tarquinbeech takes advice from Fifa and relocates to Belize. The locals refer to him as El Chapo and his black and white circus. Well it wouldn't be Notts without some circus tendencies. @erindoors rekindles her interest and comments...Tarqs has produced a youth team that has to be seen to be Belize  

 

[Chris Website URL Visit Site 𝕏 fmcj10 Instagram fmcj10]

I disappear to do another interview and what happens?

That said this topic has made me smile and laugh, which I've been finding quite hard to do recently. I shouldn't be so serious about things!!

1 hour ago, tarquinbeech said:

@Elite_pie can be in charge of gambling.......yes a new Notts post, where strange amounts of money are placed with bookmakers whenever Notts play relative footballing minnows....like Salford!!

I'd have Elite as the manager, Pies4u can be his assistant if he comes back and we can have Super_Danny back upfront.

1 hour ago, ivansneck said:

@Notts-Joe has to do the website!!

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Why thank you, tis something I will quite happily do.

1 hour ago, ivansneck said:

@Blackville has about £200 in his bank account which I can transfer over to you. He might want a place in the squad though.

Place in the squad? I'm sure we can find him something better to do.

It's only as I see him being our best player by miles and you know, I would like to continue tradition - so before it happens, I'm sorry we can't allow him to play.

4 hours ago, Fozzy said:

I'll nominate @Piethagoram as Director of Football. He seems to know a bit about the game, is experienced and will keep that young scamp @Modern Fan 1862 ???? in check!

So, what can we get Fozzy to do???

Chief Steward? Would that work??

[Turkey_Twizzler]

I can play as well as Stanley with one leg, can I get a game ? I promise to be a one club man until someone offers me 100k to go to China

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[liampie]

im happy to be in the background, so can i be the new ceo??

[Fozzy]

3 hours ago, notts-joe said:

I disappear to do another interview and what happens?

That said this topic has made me smile and laugh, which I've been finding quite hard to do recently. I shouldn't be so serious about things!!

I'd have Elite as the manager, Pies4u can be his assistant if he comes back and we can have Super_Danny back upfront.

Why thank you, tis something I will quite happily do.

Place in the squad? I'm sure we can find him something better to do.

It's only as I see him being our best player by miles and you know, I would like to continue tradition - so before it happens, I'm sorry we can't allow him to play.

So, what can we get Fozzy to do???

Chief Steward? Would that work??

I'll do that.

"You're not  coming in here with those shoes on sonny Jim"

"You want to pay by cash? Cash only turnstile that way, Look for the Possum" 

I'd also introduce courses in happiness for stewards, so we get service with a smile!

 

[Fozzy]

5 hours ago, tarquinbeech said:

Every 3rd turnstile will be cash-only (wink wink) for "discerning Notts supporters" and will offer discounts negotiated ad-hoc........official attendances will plummet to 1,850...but the ground will look surprisingly full.

All cash collected from this new turnstile system will be funneled into the new Notts Youth Academy, conveniently located in the Turks and Caicos Islands.

Turks Head pub more like!