I make no apologies for re-marketing an old invention of mine, here on PON.
Some may say that I am trying to make money from poor, misguided Notts fans.....my reply is that we have all thrown so much cash at Notts over the last few decades that surely an extra few quid is meaningless....plus I get rich...yum yum.....here goes........
I have noticed, in our current run of bad form, that I am becoming more agitated and upset on Saturdays.
At my age, my Mexican Doctor friend has told me to "calm down" and watch the old ticker, and just lately I find my Friday night rompy-pompy session with her lacking its usual verve and vigour.
Why?...because I am worried about Saturday, and even those little blue pills leave me half-hearted!
Something has to be done...so I have a cunning plan.
Only watch the half of the pitch that Notts are attacking...........................................Tarkers you are a genius I hear you cry.
Yesterday I practised for 90 minutes on an old Youtube footy video with one hand over one eye...very tiring, plus the crowd noises were off-putting whenever a goal was scored in the half I couldn't see.
I sorted the sound issues by plugging my ears with cotton wool and humming the theme of Dambusters!
I have now come up with a prototype model of what I think everyone will agree, is the perfect Matchday solution.
Obviously this is just the basic model, and that is reflected in the bargain price of ยฃ2.99 (plus shipping via Bandito Air)
The added bonus, is that when you remove the prototype from its box, you can copy the location of eyeholes etc onto the remaining box and give it to the Mrs as a Valentines/Xmas/Birthday present...she will be delighted!
OK, here are the instructions.
1).....Take box to ML.
2)......Sit near the halfway line (obviously this will not work in the Kop unless you lie down horizontally)!!
3)......Once teams have decided which half to attack, pop out the perforated eye-hole in the side corresponding to the opposition goalie. It is extremely important to get this bit right as watching the wrong goalie in action may increase the risk of a heart attack!!
4).....Insert cotton wool from accessory bag into ears.
5)......Start humming Dambusters.
6).....At halftime, patch up original eyehole with sticky tape from accessory bag and pop out the other eye-hole (alternatively you can keep original eye-hole and just stand on your head............ or pretend you are an opposition supporter and walk around to the JS stand). Note do NOT attempt to stand on head if you purchase the Super Deluxe version,,,,see below!!
Depending on the success of the prototype, I have plans for a deluxe model involving the last of the Google Glasses and repeats of the Notts v Brighton Play-off final.
Imagine the surprise around you, as we are getting thumped by Bodgers XI and you are shouting..."Go on Tommy...yesssssss, you beauty"
The Super-Deluxe model involves 4 cans of Double Diamond, strapped inside the "helmet" and an intricate array of tubing!
Currently having problems with this model as the balancing causes sideways slippage and all the sucking caused me to blackout yesterday!

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