I've been trying to get round to writing this and then put it up for a while, but me being me, has never got round to doing it.
I struggle with speeches like this and trying to find the right words at the right moments. That's why I tend to freeze in important moments.
For a while now (and I mean a few years) I've been wondering whether or not to carry on with my YouTube channel and my matchday videos. I started them because YouTube looked fun and whilst I enjoyed it for a certain amount of time, it got to a point where my motivation dipped dramatically and others (I tend to compare myself to others a lot even though I know it won't help) were and still are producing much better content. Summed up by the fact I didn't even bother to edit or upload the last two games of last season.
I beat myself up over the smallest of mistakes and things can get to me quite easily. Whilst I should do it for the enjoyment and, I do get a modicum of enjoyment from time to time out of it, the low views, the Grimsby and Newport problems last season, the comment section after Donny and my mental health in general, coupled with my lack of motivation, really made me wonder/makes me wonder if I should bother carrying on.
I still get people tell me they watch my videos and they enjoy them and I sometimes still get noticed out and about or at games, and I even had someone ask for a selfie with me at The Nest a while back, but I can never convince myself that my content is actually good. I want to be good at something, I want to be skilled, I want to be talented. That would go someway for me to be able to live with myself and find inner peace. However it feels a long way off. I've always had that feeling of having no sense of achievement. So no matter what I accomplish, I will always dismiss it because, either others will judge it, I think other people will have done something better or that any other normal person could have accomplished what I've done.
I've always thought, if I quit, what would others think? A lot of people don't know me well enough to know why I am like I am. I haven't reached the stage of being comfortable enough to open up about my mental health. Would people still recognise me and see me for who I am, or would I just be a nobody? Would I still be relevant? Would people still see me as that YouTube guy?
So I'm undecided. I've had this feeling inside of me and I've constantly questioned myself as to what the right choice is. I feel like I want to or need to pack it in but then it wouldn't feel right not doing what I have been doing for 8½ years and what I'm sort of known for doing. It takes a lot to give up something like this as it's been a big part of my life for almost a decade and part of me still wants to fight on. Something inside of me tells me there is something worth fighting for.
This is where you come in. It is no longer in my hands. It is in the hands of the people. I need reasons to carry on. Why you think it's worth it, what's good and not good and what can be improved? I need YOU to tell me it is worth carrying on and to convince me.
The feedback matters and I want you tell me honestly and to give me the reasons to carry on.
No matter what the decision though, please don't forget about me
Nice read on Jacob Bedeau. The fee he attracted earlier in his career shows he was seen for his potential. While he might not have reached that yet, there is still time. He could make a move further up the leagues, hopefully with us.
More info on Jacob via Transfer Market.
https://www.transfermarkt.co.uk/jacob-bedeau/profil/spieler/453661
One word of caution.....his passing maybe not as good as we would like
I think on Sunday, it was his loose pass that led to Fleetwood's 2nd goal
I witnessed some similar poor passing at Shrewsbury too